Most of the time being inside my head is the best place for me to be… I get time to put my thoughts and ideas into a form of writing that helps make sense of the events that are happening in my life.
There are also times when I hear my mind thinking and just like a chatty child talking through the news; i just can’t shut my mind up… I have to reach for a pen n paper, my phone or computer and get my thoughts downloaded or the forever round about thoughts keep circling in my mind.
Days like this are great as I have a clear head and mind and find that my mind becomes calmer and able to concentrate on other things when i am able to visually see what my head is thinking, giving me ability to see the events & situational that are happening around me in a more clearer mind set.
There are also times when my mind works in overdrive and has little to no ability to keep my mood and my minds interpretations of the things and happenings that at that moment stop me from being in a happy place.
When this sense of being trapped in my own heads happenings, I at times have a very short temper and I am quickly pushed beyond the point of seeing that things may have been pushed out of proportion or that my perception of such moments maybe slightly skew whiff.
At times like these I find that I have to sit with myself and put myself into a state that I can hear myself reasoning with my thoughts, most of the time I am able to talk myself back to reality and see the sense or point of how I got where I was.
On other occasions I am pushed so hard that I have to release my tension by verbally showing that I am upset. Whilst these moments don’t happen as much as they used to… I can often feel these moments creeping up on me when they are about to boil to the surface.
My mind is a wonder of neurological mind maps that insist on being the boss of my own control of my minds thoughts, feelings and at times coping skills and actions. I feel that at times my mind is on a fast track no ending 1 way carriage to the unknown.
Most of the time my mind and I can co-exist with little to no interruption to my day, the events of my day or the relationships and interactions that have throughout my day. At other times I become overwhelmed by the simplest of things i.e. Over stimulation of to many noises at one – at times I feel that my hearing is so over sensitive that I need to find a quiet place to be.
Being in a room with people over talking each other with other noises running in the background i.e. Tv, radio can bring me to a place where I can no longer here anyone noise clearly over another, instead the noises all come together and the miscommunication of what I hear and what is actually being said are two different things.
Right now in this moment of time I am struggling so hard to communicate with people when I have had to repeat myself over and over again. Repeating myself happens so many tirelessly times throughout the day, that now I can see the anxious ,annoyed attitude that being ignored brings on. I am self-aware that my tolerance of being not heard is coming to a breaking point, repetition is a main source of my anguish and burn attitude. I have a question relating to my lack of coping skills in regards to me having little to no coping skills towards repetitive behaviour.
” Do I truly have a coping issue with repeating myself, is my head and its thoughts causing my mind to suffer in a world where i feel that I am being ignored. Am I manufacturing what is happening or am making these events far more complexed then they are.”
So the quote ” Sometimes The Worst Place You Can Be Is In Your Own Head ” means that when I am on a good thinking / writing streak my mind and heart are at ease and I am able to give form to the words that my mind thinks up, but when the days in my head are in overdrive I do from time to find that I have very minimal coping skills and feel that I have only one avenue left and that is to yell and make it known that I want to be heard.
I often compare my mind to the baggage area of an airport, so my machines working in order to make sure that a passengers luggage is directed to the right airplane or luggage turn carousel.
Over the years I have been able to learn the skill of keeping my thoughts and feelings in check so I don’t become weighed down by mind in overdrive or that I don’t feel lost when my thoughts allude me. Learning this skill means that I am able to keep myself from feeling lost, trapped and unwanted by those around me.
I feel that I am a lot more calmer these days. Not only do I feel this way in my head but I also feel in in my body – I feel that I have learned to cope better in certain situations. I have worked a lot with myself trying to give myself the gift of patience ( i don’t think that I will ever master the art of patience but I now inside insight skills to see when my coping ability in certain circumstances may show less tolerance.
Keeping up with my writing helps because i am able to put on paper my thoughts and feelings giving them a place where they are safe from scrutinising eyes and ears, a place where they are given the audience that understands the very messages that are trying to be conveyed.
I know that when I am able to write that things are able to be unraveled and at some degree my head
Is able to find solace for a while
Writing isn’t something I can do, it is something that I need to do in order to keep my mind in check. At times I find myself wondering if have some sort of mental illness, hearing voices now… but hearing a constant stream of chit-chat that demands a written voice …YES… am I going mad?
This is one of the very reasons I have called my new blog 36 Day Somethings, and extension of my RiteMinded website is because when I have written down my thinking thoughts I feel that all is well and that my mind is clear.
Calmness comes over me and I can feel me again.
Author. Tanya Kelly