Day #22 – Complexities Of Me

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So here we are at the business end of 2018… where did the months  of 2018 go?

This quote I found on my Facebook memories page …
” I’m 100% me…with a hint of temper, a splash of kindness, a cup of heart.. handfuls of friendship & allot of wit ~ I am held together by my angelic halo – wrapped tightly around my heart, but my devil horns keep poken me… and keep me on the go.

“Well, this quote certainly sums me up!”

  • A temper… mmm guilty… but I have learned to keep it in check over the years. I have grown into a person who has learned to walk away from the shit if others, turning the other cheek and choosing to choose my battles and walk away.
  • A splash of kindness… hmm I like to think that I have more than just a splash of kindness in me… I am and always have been a giver; I do feel that I give freely without for payback, often giving far more than I have to give & sometimes I give far more than I should… I am a giver and a helper of others because I know what it feels like to be staring down the barrel of a hard week.
  • Held together by an angelic halo… wrapped tightly around my heart… I work hard at being the best person that I can be. My heart is always well-intentioned; giving at all times common courtesy and respect for others… but there is that part f my that lays hidden deep within …
  • “my devil horns keep poken me… and keep me on the go” I have a sixth sense about me and am very aware of other people and their mannerisms and behaviours… most days I remind myself that people are who they are and that they will always undertake the path that they want… for the most part I can ignore people and their stupidity, ignorance or wrongdoings but there is a little part of me that I hideaway that is always ready to stand in my own or another’s defence… poke the devil hard enough and my angel side will take a checkout moment.
” I Have Spent Most Of My Life Learning To Walk, Talk… & How Not To Take Shit From Others… My Opinion Does Matter, I Am Me And Ask For Nothing More But For You To Acknowledge The Space, I Walk In & The Air That I Breathe… ”

  • this written verse gives way to my life’s path… learning to walk and talk… learning to choose my battles in how much I do and do not take from others is my constant struggle… I want people to know that I do have an opinion & it is important to me to have others know that my opinion does matter & that even if that opinion isn’t honoured by others that my opinion deserves to be noted and recognised by others. What is important to me is my life’s existence, like me or loathe me… that I have a right to be here, I have a right to have an opinion and I have a right to have my thoughts and feelings acknowledged and not necessarily followed by others.
Today’s writing may seem a little random or even a little ha what? But inside my head there is an airport baggage claim carousel and a mass of tubular tunnels transporting information along with its routes… some days I feel very wishy-washy and turbulent in my thinking and on other days I feel that my thoughts are well placed and in the position to produce productiveness in my day’s agenda.

I have worked very long hours on sorting myself out… reworking my thoughts and patterns of thinking…. simply – rewiring my brain…

There was a time in my life some years ago when I wasn’t so self-assured, living a life detached from my own past.

Things that kept me from living my life to the fullest of my own honesty.. plagued me for the longest time – I pushed people away, I pushed myself out of being honest to myself… I hid so much of my yesterdays deep within me; my thinking behind this was I always thought that I was evil and that if I pretended to be the made-up version of me that I would be seen as to be no different to any other person… I told myself that I would never be accepted for the true me because I was way to internally damaged

B5DB2029-75AB-4151-A3AB-1CB879CE7430Today’s pictured quote writes: –
Author – Karen MacLeod
The key to self-discovery
Will lure your shadow self
Into the pure stories of a life
You have yet to open.

I do feel that this written quote says that if I open myself up that to the true person that lays within me… taking myself out of the shadows of my life’s path and bringing myself into the right direction of changing my life into the life that I not only deserve but also want for myself and my future.


“ It is a frightening thought that man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses – and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism. The individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself. But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster. “
Author
Carl Jung

It is part of our human nature that we were born a little off centre… we are certainly not perfect – in our journey of our lives, we make many weaknesses and foibles (a quirk, idiosyncrasy, or mannerism; unusual habit or way). We all have our way and we were all gifted both evilness or greatness in our genetic makeup.

The devil side and angel side of our genetic makeup, for the most part, live a life through us in either a devilish or angelic state… meaning some of us are good law-abiding citizens and others have demonic characteristics that lead them and their life journey into forbidden and unlawful paths.
The point of this written quote is that we either live our life as good doers, following the rules of the land and standing by our mates; lending a hand to those in need or we grow into people who want to live life as individuals, paving one’s own path, treading on the toes of others and taking what one deems necessary to full fill their lives….
The angelic spirit vs the raging monster.

This written verse is the story that every human’s life story holds – “The raging monster that lays within is the aura of every person I believe lays in the mind of us all.”

I do very much believe in the quote what we are most afraid of lays in our own minds”…. we are our enemies, we take to heart the words of others and in return we live our life through altered circumstances, convincing ourselves that we are living our lives to its fullest potential.
We all have that inner voice that either leads us into temptation or delivers us from evil, our self-consciousness keeps us in check with ourselves and our right or wrongdoings.

7195022D-6C8B-4A9A-83B6-A052B4C82F12Another pictured quote that sums up today’s writing is:

Show me more of what made you.

Don’t bring the fancy.
Don’t give veiled tales of bliss.
I want to know how you earned your scars.
Tell me what brings you to your knees
In the darkness of the night.
Peel back the layers,
Let me see the things that make demons run
And lesser men hide.

Author Jay Long
Reference – https://www.facebook.com/WriterJayLong/ & http://www.jaylongwrites.com/


Within us lays a person that we have created, the creator is us and our life’s journey & the main character or protagonist is the imagination that lays within us… the imagination recreates us hiding our true selves in the darkness of our shadows, protecting our true selves from the reality of life’s ups and downs… the hurt and the pain that we and others put us through in our day to day lives.


So todays blog post is titled “Complexities Of Me.” What exactly do I mean when I talk about the “Complexities Of Me?” I have so many little tunnels in me, each tunnel leads to broken off pieces of me, standing in the security of the darkness of my soul… and there are other tunnels that are an information highways- a database of inner secret and inner workings.

I have many little stories inside of me, & through my daily writings, I am slowly bringing theses broken off pieces of me out of the shadows and giving them a pen and a page to scribe what it is that they haven’t had the voice to say.
Each day that I write is a piece of my awakening, owning my presence in my mind and in this world; paying homage to my journey, my stories and the broken pieces and shadows that are very much me.
What I take from my daily writing and the many Complexities Of Me is that I know who I am, I am self-aware and fully own my yesterday’s path, I own it and take nothing away from the growth that my journey has taught me. Tough days have come and gone and I know that they are just one circumstance away from revisiting me in my future…

In summing up today’s daily writing is this following pictured quote: –

83783241-12B0-4FDC-A573-B4F0857BCBEB
I am thankful for my struggle
Because without it, I wouldn’t
Have stumbled across my
Strength.

I can now see that my life’s journey has a reason for its harshness and its giving… I have learned to live alongside my struggles and being grateful that they exist.

Learning to be grateful for life’s lessons took a toll on me and they tore me mentally and emotionally in two… but I have grown to see that my struggles have been a lesson that has taught me how I want to be treated by others and how I see what I would like to see happen in & around my future.

Life’s treasures to me are self-awareness and self-growth, powerful and enriching; I take in arms to learn and nurture in return building the me that I was born to be. The greatest gifts that I have ever given to myself is the gift of time & patience – time and patience in me learning to love myself for all my darkness’s, all my shadows, all my loves, all my differences and wholeheartedly for all my complexities. I am grateful to myself for the allowance of time… Being one with myself and being ok with the person that I am didn’t happen overnight and it my journey to me didn’t come without a struggle… But I am comfortable in who I am, me myself and self-actualised self-are contented in the journey of where we came from and in who we are today.

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com
Copyrighted By Tanya Kelly. 2018

1 thought on “Day #22 – Complexities Of Me

  1. I can’t imagine you being anything but true to yourself. You have so many gifts to share and so much caring to give. You are definitely who you are because of where you have been. You are authentic and I so respect that.
    Gentle hugs,
    Lauren

    Like

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