It is very true what is meant by the words “I’ve Never Met A Strong Person With An Easy Past.”
I know first hand that my past has made me who I am… It would be an interesting viewpoint if it were at all possible to see what life would have been like if the troubles of my today didn’t exist … What would life have been like?
I am not unhappy with how my life turned out, even the people that surround me and have been known to me have made their footprint in my life and upon the road that I have travelled.
Life at times has been hard and to a degree, its troubles have altered how it is that I see things and even how I have done things. A big part of me that has been changed by my life’s path is how I see and interpret Religion… As a child, I undertook my First Holy Communion & My Confirmation… I attended scripture and on the odd occasion even went with my Grandmother to church… There was even a period there that I attended youth group and 2/3 days a week bible study… Even in bible study’s, I questioned some of the things that the scriptures were talking about but I put that down to curiosity, not faith testing.
By the time I was 18, I started to question the purpose of living… Building a life and family – slogging your ass off only to end up fighting for life and ultimately death becomes everyone’s reality.
At 18 I lost 2 Grandparents in a very short period of time from each other & my then boyfriend was brutally bashed… I spent many lonesome hours alone and struggled to keep my head above water and keep up with school and my life’s responsibilities.
At 19 things were still an ass kicker and I had left one relationship and started another but although I had a few trusted people around me… The friends that I had been around for years suddenly abandoned me due to my then boyfriend not telling anyone why we broke up, not wanting to talk out of school I chose to keep things to myself. After all this could I let people in when they chose not to support me in the first place.
So by choice, I chose to spend some time being me and getting my life back on track.
Just I was getting somewhere in my life and clearing some ground that I was happy to live in… I met up with Steve after not seeing him for 3 years.
My two surving Grandparents then started to have health issues… & I became a Mum at 20. In a short time, both my Grandparents were also gone and I had a baby with Spina Bifida and a premature baby on the way… I was overwhelmed with the continuous rolling stones of life… I questioned what I had done so wrong… And the more I questioned the events in time the further my faith in religion and the strength and support of those around me seems to put me in a place where I felt I could trust and had trust in very few people.
With family making life difficult and questioning every little thing one would say… and so I grew the attitude of what the hell do I bother for? Why are people always so dead set hard paced and making life difficult for others… Whatever happened to unconditional love and support?
I have questioned the path of my own footsteps often throughout the years… Considered many times if sticking it out… Struggling to find acceptance for what was and then I had to finally pep talk myself and tell me that the only person who gave a shit about my life and its trodden path was me… I had to learn & the hard way that I am the only one who could truly make me happy.
Well, I would say with a dying oath that I am altogether happy… But I will say that I have worked hard in learning that in life ” you can’t please everyone, so you have to please yourself.”
I will never be 100% certain that I have made the right decisions in my life. I am totally gobsmacked with how the events of who I have become but I am grateful for the lessons that I have learned and the strengths that I have gained. Whilst some people throughout my years have made my struggle a little more of a struggle… I too am grateful to them, as they have shown me who I am and who I wanted to be… But they have also taught me how I see how others relie on people for strength and support and that I could never treat someone as I have been treated.
I will with boundaries set help out where I can.. Often stepping over those very boundaries to go further for people who are lost… just as I was once was. I like to think that I don’t step over my own boundaries because I get sucked into other peoples woes… I like to see that I know a struggle and I know how hard a struggle can get & how these struggles can alter a person’s innermost workings, so I simply try to lessen a burden and not the journey of a persons life’s path.
I like to offer and support what I see that I myself saw lacking and needing in my own lives struggles.. “many hands make light work”
So yes I have Never Met A Strong Person With An Easy Past. Our past is what makes our future a worthy path and a worthy journey that proves to teach us lessons about ourselves that help us to become the very people that we were intended to be.
Even with our intended selves altered into the very people that we become we do become the people that our inner selves and our souls desire. “I’ve Never Met A Strong Person With An Easy Past ” … but in my case my past has give me the life that I myself am proud to be living.
Author. Tanya Kelly
Copyrighted By Tanya Kelly. 2018