My everyday writing of the past few months has reached far down into my soul and brought what has kept me wrapped up in the deepest depths of my thinkings, delivering me to a much calmer peace in mind.
I still have a long way to go in the resurgence of myself…
I am far from the darkness but I still have a long way to go till I find myself in the still waters that are shallow enough for me to stand in… Etching myself forward in my present life; one step at a time, surely but slowly I am emerging. I am becoming the light of my own darkness.
There are days that seem to come and go in waves of ups and downs… I have learned to see these moments of me gathering pieces to my soul’s puzzle… what to others could be seen as downer moments… I see as explorations of what I look forward to in me becoming truly me…
I embrace my tears… and celebrate their existence… they are not what weakens me, they are in fact the rains that works to wash away the gravelled stone encasing my heat.
I will forever be grateful for the strength that I gave to myself in returning to my love of writing.
Back in January, I wrote about how I have longed to return to my daily writings… I was afraid then… I knew that I harboured much… if I was to be convicted of one thing in my journey of returning to my daily writings… it would be that my hidden words have been my own selves self-harm… my heartfelt honesty has released my soul… tomorrow I will cherish the day that my heart is on the path of healing.
In my yesterdays self, I possessed much courage, fire, energy, for many things … in my today’s life I still possess the very energy that these elements have instilled in me, the difference in my today’s world is that I am awakened and living in ownership of every part of me… I own my strength, I own my pain, I own my levels of self-protection…. & I own my yesterdays happenings that just yesterday needed help from me.
In my life, I am known for my hyper-awareness…
I often see people for who they truly are… seeing past their personal storefronts and having them figured out long before they choose what they want to share with others about themselves.
Being able to filter through the bullshit meter of the words and actions of others has often left me feeling that I have a curse… sometimes I just wish that being about to read people wasn’t a skill that I possessed… hyper-awareness of other people and their personas can be at times both a blessing and a curse… but in all honesty having the ability to weave through the human weed pool has served me well throughout my years.
There is a change in me that is just lingering below the surface of my every written word… I am beginning to break free of the pain that lingers within me… throughout the last few months, I have worked hard to become my own therapist… dredging up things that have been buried deep below my surface for the longest time…
I have worked hard to give face and ownership to the parts of me that I keep stowed away from the visions of other souls, I have indeed learned much about me… I have learned that self-protection has been my own life’s weighted boots…
The greatest of lessons that I have learned is that I am my own worst enemy and my own best friend… my greatest treasure is the strength and conviction of my own heart… I know who I am and I am grateful for that… but the person who I once was is now becoming is a stranger to me…. but I welcome the presence & the knowing of whom I will soon be.
I am at peace now with the secrets of my soul… I am finally sleeping better – not 100% but certainly getting there. The lights of my house have stopped being the security blanket that I used to keep the shadows from appearing in the darkness, I am now able to feel a sense of safety and no longer fear what I cannot see.
I am letting go of whom I was in my yesterday’s – the self protected sense of self & my only friends. I am now becoming me – self assured, self measure and 100% set certain that I know who and what I will someday become.
The resurgence of me is indeed a long journey & it certainly is a long road to the top…
I am… becoming me.
Who I am meant to be.
The me who is your all,
the me who’s been set free.
To be this soul,
You’ve taught me much,
I so will learn.
That who I am
is who I’ll be.
And this my love,
By Author: Nancy Winter Miranda
Author. Tanya Kelly
Copyrighted By Tanya Kelly. 2018