Very few words were spoken today, instead I spent the day pep talking myself, giving myself the strength and the time out that I needed to find inner peace within me.
Firstly this pictured quote that I am found strength in writes:
“Respect your body when it’s asking for a break.
Respect your mind when it’s seeking to rest.
Honour yourself when you need a moment.”
This pictured quote gave me the greatest strengths today.. it told me in a symbolic embrace to see myself and my body’s pain in all it’s here’s and now’s… let the trying moments of my hurting days to be allowed to take the break that it needs to replenish its strength. This Pictured quote was a message that gives me the message of “learn to respect me and how my body feels and needs time to heal.”
This self respect message came to me when I needed it most… I have been pushing hard to be all to everyone – putting myself way past the end zone of my own needs. “I know I need a moment to find the time that my body needs to build up the strength that it needs to carry me on through to the junction in my road. Its time to listen to my body… and today I heard it loud and clear.
In this pictured quote the message that has the following words scribed into it says:
The strength of your soul
Was born on the backs of moments
That brought me to my knees.
The message that was delivered to me in this pictured quote was a strong reminder of how I became me.
I have indeed seen some of the worst sides of human nature and the behaviours that make up people. I have indeed been hurt and felt the greatest of pains both in my heart and throughout my body… so what this pictured quote reminded me of is the many times that I have been brought to my knees, but have found the strength and the courage to bring myself to an upright position, placing my head high and my eyes set firmly on the path that was ahead of me…
Proving to me that even at the worst stages of my life I was able to be my own backbone and I am here today because I chose not to give up on any of my previously hard days.
When Life’s challenges become harder,
Challenge yourself to become stronger.
This week I have had to learn to breathe deeply… my week delivered me and Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis – “My Story” an ass kicking and a reality check into what happens when I don’t listen to my body need to say enough is enough… I failed to heed my bodies warning signs and it in return decided to turn the outcome into a lesson of gruelling pain.
My body challenged me emotionally, physically and mentally this week & it has left me a little weaker than I would like.. but I have learned the message that it was screaming at me “I know now that I must take time out for my body to catch its breath and pace”… I will indeed take this weeks challenges and lessons and be the mindful strength that my body and I need.
This pictured quote is a quote that I found whilst looking for memes that relate to Multiple Sclerosis.
This meme’s Author is.
Ms continually challenges me
To find balance between
Pride & Humility.
I wrote the following this week in another written blog post:
I guess I now know what extreme heated days , fatigue & Multiple Sclerosis can do to a person… what I haven’t said is that I have also lived with my light weight cardigan in my lap this week… because I have not only had extreme heated body temperatures taking me out of the realm of my comfort levels… I have also had moments where my temperatures plunged to the ground and had me putting my cardigan and socks on and off… I must have looked like an igloo man coming out of the Antarctic lands straight into the desert waste lands and only to return back again to blazing sun heat days.
I know that there will be days when my Ms symptoms will spend the days peeking to their highest levels of annoyance… pushing my pain level and my tolerance to the to the highest level of my pain threshold… but I am optimistic & hoping for a better week.. emotionally, physically, mentally & socially… this Truly was my worst week ever since my Ms Diagnosis… I am hoping to not have many more of these days… “Here’s Hoping For A Better Week.
This week has taught me a valuable lesson in asking and in seeking help… the heated days and nights defiantly took e beyond my limits… I knew that I was feeling week, but it is never me to give up… but I know now that continuing on and pushing myself harder to complete my daily’s jobs was the very thing that undid me and turned my bad days into nightmare driven painful moments that took 6 days to come through.
I am to proud for my own good… I don’t like asking for help… I knew that I needed it but my pride forbid me to ask for it… yes I had a low level outlook of my own needs and importance.. I took my body for granted and it gave me a spin rinse and wash.
This pictured quote depicts what it is that I have leant this week in my trying times and how I should prevent a repeat of this week happening ever again.
When I am resting
On a “Fare Up Day”
I need to remember that I am not wasting the entire day doing nothing.
I am doing exactly what I need to do.
Simply putting it I walked the long road to learning the words “Not Today”
I pushed my body and my mind set out of their pyjamas and right back into the rat race of life…
I took it upon myself to allow myself to feel that others were relying on me to be me and to simply get things done… when my body needed rest it screamed and screamed… falling on deaf ears my “flare up” became my bodies enemy and it certainly took care of me…
It is usual for me to feel guilty for the things that I didn’t get done throughout my day..
& being told that I am lazy or relying to heavily on other to see that my needs and wants are met; serves to spur me on and pushes me out of my rest. I thought that I was a person who cared little for the what others had to say… but clearly my thoughts are incorrect or I would have stayed in bed to rest.
Taking a day here & there doesn’t mean that I am lazy… I know this oh so well
When my body signals its warning signs
I now know to stop & listen.
Rest isn’t for the weak or lazy,
It’s for the greater good of this vessel that I call my soul & body.
There are so many lessons and words of advice that I could offer to those who are standing on the outskirts of a loved one or a person in their midst… giving them the knowledge of what it it is like to have a life altering illness… but I think my time would be better spent encouraging them to hear the many messages that scream to with in no-verballed tones to simply lend a hand…
Firstly the worst thing that a person could tell a person with a life altering illness is to “tell them to get over it”
There is a degree of ignore in the toned voice of these very words… why instead of watching the struggle don’t you just get down to a struggling person’s out stretched hand ” & help them get through it…”
Another important lesson that I would surmise to teach is:-
The pain of a person,
Because in all honesty,
Everyone is struggling.
Just some people are
Better at hiding it
Not every persons pain is visible and no two people feel pain in the same way… and for some people (myself included) we choose to keep our inner struggles and our inner woe’s to ourselves – preferring to suffer in silence then to see pity and disgust on the faces of the people we love and trust).
Truth be known we are all struggling in some way shape or form… no-one has the perfect life of no aches, pains or groans… empathy & compassion will go further in the
life and world of someone needing a moment of care and understanding.
A written quote by Lupie Linda sums up my every thought…
When you have a chronic illness,
How you feel Changes from day to day,
Hour to hour
& even minute to minute.
I never Know how I’ll feel.
For those standing on the outskirts of a person with a chronic illness; it may seem that plans get changed or even broken … and that excuses of tiredness and exhaustion are the words that are often spoken… “I read a meme just this week that said.. no matter how much rest I may take, my tired symptoms rarely leaves me to just be me.”
Lessons Learned In Life writes on their meme the following words of wisdom and offers up a great word of advice:
No matter what you do
Someone will always talk about you.
Someone will always question your judgement.
Someone will always doubt you.
So just smile and make choices
you can live with.
I say right on “Lessons Learned In Life”… run your own race at your own pace… listen to everything that you are told and hear, divide it in half, throw one half away and what you will be left with; is what you know and believe is the truth.
I have gained much personal insight this week into how it is that I cope when I am in grips of strong handed pain… and I have most defiantly seen myself in the grasp of unrelenting pain… I have seen the not so likeable me pushing to offer assistance as far away from me as I could get them… I have seen those around me struggling to take away my pain… I have seen as I have yelled and screamed that no one can hear the words that scream out “I Need help !”
I have also learned another very valuable lesson that cuts me to my core.. & that would be well founded in the words of the bellow written quote:
My biggest regrets in life are
Being to damn nice,
Apologising when I didn’t do anything wrong
& making unworthy people
What I Learned this week in the depths of my Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis’s death grip is what true humanity, love and plain & simply who gives a shit…
I have been in a position to watch the people that I love and know be in position of unmeasurable pain… I cant ever remember a time when I turned my back and simply walked away… it may be true that pain changes who it is that we are, and how it is that we act when we are brought to the kneeling stance praying for a moment to breathe… but nothing has prepared me for the ignorance that some blank faces have shown me… my diagnosis of PPMS has shown me the raw bones of my inner smile…
There is so much strength in a person who is seen the strength of strong pain… there is even a far greater strength on those who use their pain to find the inner strength to stand and scream “wow.. shit what a ride” – laughing at the grips that tighten around their every in and outed breath.
I so hope with hand on my heart hope that this weeks onslaught of weathered heat and body driven by Ms pain never meets again… I certainly have had my share of ups and downs and I have seen my sanity take a dive… but the one thing that I take from this weeks painful body blows is that I am strong and very capable of standing and admitting to my deep and raw pain… I appreciate that I could see the bad side of hat my pain can do to me… and I can appreciate now the lessons that I should have all along been listening to… that sixth sense that tells me something’s can sit on the back burner that it is time for my body to rest.
This week was most certainly a week of humility smacking my pride in its face.
“Now, every time
I witness a strong person,
I want to know;
What darkness did you
Conquer in your story?
Mountains do not rise
The Minds Journal
I was that person that the above written quote talks of, just this week in my
“Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis’s Earthquaking Journey”
Whilst I may have seen the inner darkness of my pain and it’s tolerance, I know that I will never conquer my “Ms Story” or the path that lies in its ruins… but I am a witness to my own body’s lessons and now it is up to me to find the time to sit in the wake of my pain delivered memories and learnt what it is that my body is telling me.
I will finish today daily blog submission off with a quote that I saw today.
” Bend Don’t Break Be Flexible Yet Stand Firmly Rooted “
oh yah before I forget… here is my final thought
” wow.. Shit What A Ride “
Author. Tanya Kelly