About RiteMinded

Born September 1976 I am a wife, a mother , an Author and an Ms warrior who serves my community by giving my time to teaching the ins and outs of the world wide web super highways.

All About Me In 80 Questions!!!!!!

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All About Me

Name. Tanya (after Tania makeup)Mary Johanne (after my maternal grandmothers) Dannielle (confirmation  name) Deegens (maidens name) Kelly (Married name).
Nickname. Ms.T, Yoda Guru
Age. 43
Birthday. September 2nd, 1976
Birthplace. Blacktown Hospital Sydney New South Wales
Current Location. At Home In Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Eye Colour. Hazel
Hair Colour. Dark Brown
Piercings. 5 Piercings (2 done by myself)
Tattoos. None. Would love one but worry about getting a bad tattoo artist who will  leave me with a tattoo nightmare.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend. Stephen John Kelly (Been Together Since September  22nd, 1995.
Siblings. Brendon  (November 25th, 1974), Tracy (April 11th, 1978.
Favs.
Colour. Blue, Medium/Dark Purples,  Olive Green, Silver, Charcoal Grey
Music. Music for me is a life line… my tastes in music rely heavily on the feelings and emotions of my day to day life.  There are way to many to list.
Sport. As a child I play netball (center, goal attack), softball (out fielder), indoor hockey, & volleyball. I like to watch clay shooting, archery, fencing, diving skeet shooting these days.
Holiday. I someday want to travel to greek islands or go on a Mediterranean cruise. Maybe see fiji, hawaiii, cocos islands or an african village. I am not much of a traveller, I like being home where I feel safe.
Food. I like many varieties of food.. Steak (medium to well), spaghetti bolognese, cavity stuffed chicken, pasta dishes (most)…  love bbq food, homemade Chinese
Number. My Favourite Number Has Always Been #3
Movie. Dead Poets Society – Robin Williams
Celebrity. Oprah Winfrey… A person who has steered my thoughts about me being myself in the direction of self acceptance.
Place. Yellow Rock & Woolongong Light House Are My Calming Places
Drink. Love Cocktails, Moscato (wine)..Jack Daniels & Great Northern Beer. Enjoy  orange juice, ice water and frozen drinks.
Day Of Week. Friday & Saturdays…. no run days
Month. September because it’s spring – a time for new life to begin… all is new and fresh
City. Sydney… couldn’t imagine being anything other than a Sydney sider.
Animal. Sloth.. cute and sleepy… Meerkatt… cute and sneaky, penguin … awkwardly built and fun to watch
Time Of Day. Morning, The Break Of Dawn… love the early morning quiet time … the waking of the earth and it animal sounds.
Smell. Cup cakes baking & Estee Lauder, Red Door Perfumes & Disinfectant (gives me memories of my grandmother Mary and her always clean floors).
Tv Channel. Foxtel & Music Channels On Foxtel
Song. Cher. You Haven’t Seen The Last Of Me
This Or That
Hugs Or Kisses. I like either… but love the comfort of a kiss the build up & longing  of tender touch
Pepsi or Coke. Pepsi… coke is harsh
Burger King or McDonald’s. McDonald’s if I had to make a choice
Vanilla or Chocolate. Chocolate not a van of vanilla unless it creamy and not icy
Lover Or Fighter. I love hard… and am willing to fight if I am provoked or if my morals and personal values are challenged
Friends or Family. My Self Made Family Is My Preference … i love everyone that i hold in my inner circle at equal parts of who I am.
Love or Money. Love, money isn’t as important as being with people I love. Love  keeps me in grips of riches beyond  any value of money.
Listen To Someone Talk or Talking. I love To Listen… but enjoy a deep and meaningful two way conversation
Personality or Looks. Personality… I have known people who are appealing to look at and they are often vein, cold, superficial or just boring. Looks sre nothing… if tour connect with someone the persons being is all that matters
Magazines or Comics. Magazines. Enjoy a good read and catchup on worldy gossip and new trends
Pop Star or Wordup. Word up. As I do Love a mental challenge
Love
Are You In Love. I know my heart was with Steve since I was near the age of 16. My feelings and thoughts of him have never diminished.
Have You Ever Been In Love. Love takes me a long time in finding my security within it… but yes I have been
Do You Believe In Love At First Sight. I Knew That I Loved Steve Before I Truly Knew or Got To Know Him… soo yes indeed I do. I remember telling a friend of our that Steve was going to be the person that I married one day. I made this statement after only meeting Steve on two other occasions.
Longest Relationship. Comming into the 25 year stretch (September 22nd, 1995)
Kiss On The First Date. Depending… but physical connection isn’t the same as the mental and mindfull connection that I seek in others. As a rule usually no.
Ever Cheated On Someone (be honest). Yes… was awakening moment that  took me to discovering & understand ing the values and morals that I hold true and dear. We knew our relationship was over but we stayed anyway.

Ever Want/ed To Get Married. Steve & I  Have Been Together Since 1995, Married in October 2000.
Wanted/Had Kids. Always Wanted 3 & Had 3
– Sean John Les Kelly – August 30th, 1997
– Nichaalus Adam Kelly – April 12th, 2001
– Katijana Mary Margaret Kelly – May 14th, 2006
– Lucas Jack Russell Kelly – February 28th, 2017.
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Randoms

Do You Do Drugs. Nope & Never Have
Do You Drink. Yes I Do .. I like a social drink or two
Do You Have Any Regrets. Yes… Not Becoming The Teacher That I Always Wanted To Be As A Young Child.
Do You Believe In Yourself. Yes I do… I work hard at learning all about me and the life that I have lived and want to live… I see the value in all that I do for others.
Last Movie You Saw At The Movies. Venom. Was It Good. I didn’t expect to like the movie venom because i am not a Batman or spiderman fan… but I enjoyed venom and it comical story line.
Can You Handle The Truth. I prefer truth and honesty over a made story or answer.. truth hurts at times but real and lasting relationships are made up every little struggle we go through.
Biggest Fear. Dying Alone
Most Missed Memory. Childhood events that I chose to forget to save me from heartache 
First Thought Waking Up… arrg what time of day do tou call this? Most days up at 4am
How Do You Want To Die. Holding the hand of Steve… one breath at a time speak nothing but my love for him
Do You Get Along With Your Parents. Yes when our attitudes and differences are aligned 
Do You Swear. Yep at times like a sailoYep a puppy. Lucas Jack Russell Kelly (February 28th, 2017) got him at 5 weeks old
Have You Ever Passed Out. Yeah .. once drank a whole ready to drink pack with a friend and slep out my backyard for a few hours. Crashed car back in 1997 and passed out… been sick a many a times and passed out also.
Do You Party. Do when I do.. but  not often
Did You Get Good Grades. Yes except for my  10th year when I deliberately set out to fail. Have always been and keen to learn student.
Do You Believe In
God. I believe that there is higher than ourselves.
Religion. We all believe in something… religion may not be the title of our belief…but yes in some ways I do.
Aliens. We cant be the only living things in this entire world and universe… yes I believe there is something out there.
Ghosts. Yes I certainly believe that we when we dye never completely passover for one reason or another.
Afterlife. I at time believe that we live in a world between hell and earth… that we when we passover go to earth or hell.
Myself. Like I said up above…  I work hard at learning all about me and the life that I have lived and want to live… I see the value in all that I do for others.
Karma. Yep I believe that there is most definitely an equal, opposite and reactive power to everything that we say, do and am.
Magic. I believe that we all have the ability to be shown differences in the reality of what we are actually supposed to be seeing.
In A Boy
Eye Colour. Any
Hair Colour. Dark
Short Or Long Hair. Either but well taken care of is a preference.
Height. At least- 5 foot 6 and above
l Either way as long as they have meaning and are well represented.
Just Cute Or Sexy. Looks are nothing… personality and honourable behaviour all the way.
Hobbies. I like a man who has interests that he loves, enjoys and wants to share what his experiences are or have been.
One Girl Man. I am not a person who can share.
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There We Go…. some short Q&A’s about me…. I Challenge you to look the above Q&A’s and answer them with yourself in mind… & if you are wanting to know anything else about me… please drop me a line.

Signed
http://www.RiteMinded.com
Tanya Kelly

Writing Exercise Given To Me By My Online Writing Friend.

Last Monday (August 19th, 2019), I waa given a writing task by my online writing friend Maggie McLeod.

Maggie & my other online writing friend Lauren Swanberg feel that when I write something in any my daily writings that I write in a long winded manner snd have little to no self restraint in keep to a word or time limit… well I am not ashamed to admit that they are right in calling me out on my inability to just cut to the chase of my daily writings… & yep if I don’t have to keep to a time limit or word count then things seem to appear on my page or computer screen in a long winded verbal stout that happens between my mind that is always full of thought and my pen & paper that seems to dribble snd scribble out all that I hold within.

So the exercise instructions were this… write 1 page daily writing (no more, no finishing a sentence or thought on the next page… write 1 page and stop, even if I an to stop mid thoughts… oh geeeze 1 page…I never write just 1page)… when done send it to our online, anytime chat yo be reviewed on

Monday August 26th, 2019… well my dearest friendly writing accountability writers… I told you that I can write in short and that I don’t always need to write in a long winded manner…

So I took on my writing accountability friends and their daily writ& proposed that she send me a topic or subject line every day through this weeks writing task, I asked that she sent her daily topic or subject daily so that i would be held accountable for each day’s writing in each days here and no without being able to see the following days writings… I asked this of a Maggie because I know me…. I knew oh to well that if I was to be given the weeks topic or writing subject that I would just sit down and get the rask at hand done… I wanted to experience each days writing topic/subject as it came; 1 day at a time.

Challenge Excepted (please don’t tell Maggie that I Love Love Love challenges and love even more the concept of someone else asking me questions that they would like to have me answer… or have me look at topics that they think up.

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Day # 1 –

“ Who would you choose to play you in the move of your life & why? ”

In my weekly catch up meeting with my two American friends, I was given a 7 day writing task that would have me answer 1 question daily for 7 days.

Question 1. Who would you choose to play you in the move of your life & why? The answer to this question would be a toss up between Mary.J Blige &

Christina Aguilera, both these women have fought hard to pull themselves out of the betrayals of their youth, sexual abuse and the very deeply felt feelings of shame and uninpowerment.

Believing that we were not only powerless but also the very reason they were violated and devistatingly hurt beyond all trust. They have both become powerful delivers of messages of self worth through their voice their musical words & lyrics.

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Day # 2 –

“ Do you think that we die with the same soul that we are born with?”

I personally don’t feel that anything ever stays the same. How could it?… we are always learning and changing aspects of who we are in order to keep in touch with life’s changing ways.

I do however believe that our soul no matter what we experience in life is ever completely written over, there for sure would be part of our yesterdays soul, this part of yesterday’s soul I feel would find it’s way home in the morals, ethics and values that we build for ourselves and our lives that we build for ourselves.

Our souls are the purifiers of all that passes through our mind, bodies & heart. The bearer of all that we are.

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Day # 3 –

“ What does being spiritual means to you? ”

It is worth me noting that there was a time that religion had a place in my heart, what I am saying here is this; I am not not religious it is just that religion has left me with

Far more questions than the answers that I seek.

For some people religion and spiritual connections go hand in hand, but in my life I feel that religion and spirituality live in worlds that are far apart from each others realistic vision, earthy vibes & of course what they mean to the people believing in the practices of both.

Spiritual means what it is that I feel inside, the power that gives my body the fuel and the inner moral standing to stand tall in the face of everything that wants to hold me down.

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Day # 4 –

“ What is the value of laughter in your life? ”

The value of laughter in my own selves day holds an important imprint in my life. I feel that laughter is the souls life line, the medicine that gives us the opportunity to connect with others in a moment of light heartedness, no real emphasis on a behaviour, but instead laughter is a mood & a well being lifting experience that allows the mind and body to have a good giggle and jiggle.

For me, a life without laughter would be like living a life in mono-tone, I would never be able to read the non verbal cues of a person who displays no external expression.

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Day # 5 –

“ What do you most love about yourself? ”

What I love about myself is the recipe of of me that keeps me on track to becoming the best me that I can be.

I love how i am always there for people, even when I know that my friendship and giving bus has has long since sailed.

I love hard and forgive far beyond my own hearts explanation, I hold people within my inner circle closer than I do anything else in my life.

Secondly I have a few moral and value traits that I follow & abide by in my day to day life. I believe in these values and morals and stand firm footed in the belief of them, unmovable & unapologetically stuck in the core morals and values of me.

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Day # 6 –

“ If money was no object how would it change your life? ”

I have been asked this question many a times and my answer is this… of money was no object I would have to become a far greater humanitarian to others than I already sm. My best and worst parts of who I sm is the giving side that I freely begift to others. I have been told that I would rather give than receive, really a more cut my nose off to spite my face kind of a person…. I have a giving nature, so what can I say?

Money may make the world and its habits go round, we would all like a money pile, but I am a person who has all the wealth I need in the people that I have & hold dear to my heart. Money would have me sharing with those in need.

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There it is my week long writing task given to by my online writing friend Maggie, spurred on by other online writing friend Lauren…. thank you guys for giving me a time and page limit writing challenge that was a challenge to do in terms of actually writing daily… but it was in the keeping of the 1 page limit – stopping

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Signed

Tanya Kelly

http://365daysomethings.wordpress.con

”Breaking My Pride – Evelyn Fonsec

Breaking My Pride – July Faith Journal Prompts
Reference – https://www.thescribesportion.com/july-journal-prompts-pride/

I came across the referenced link titled ”Breaking My Pride – Authored By Evelyn Fonsec when I was doing some research for my daily blogging writes. From time to time I seek a written prompts that have been written by a fellow author.

I have for the last few weeks been feeling a little off in my daily writings… so from time to time, I call upon a save Pinterest posts that see me through the days when my writing energy’s and or thoughts are just not wanting to be called on or written about.

I often look for Pinterest posts that offer up a varying degree of questions… I like that the prompts or thoughts that I choose to write about give me a deeper look into my self & the inner parts of my inner thoughts…

As for Evelyn’s pinterest prompts I like the no outs of her questions and how she evokes a deeply personal thought in my response to her questions rather than having me sit wondering what I was going to write about in a daily write.


So here is a prompt authored by Evelyn Fonsec’s from her Pinterest Post ”Breaking My Pride” of which I offer up my answer to.

  • How Much Do I Struggle With Pride?

    Well in a self-critical moment I have put myself on the spot and delve into my insecurities… So here am I asking the question ”How Much Do I Struggle With Pride?”  Well, I am very much a self-driven person and hold a great deal of inner self-pride within and for myself… I have always been a person who has gone through things alone rather than taking up offers of help or companionship… I have on and off throughout the years tried to offer myself to people in my own self’s right-minded kind of way… I have never been one to trust easy and my pride is my reason as well as it is my self shelter… There is much time when I have chosen to remain self-contained and closely guarded and for that matter, I have also chosen when I allow myself to feel encircled by others 7 this is one thing I am not all to proud to admit to… but there are many little quirks about me that may not at all be endearing to others for these reasons and or quirks I feel that there are times when people have and do put me into the too hard basket… These reasons also seem to make me look as though I am to outwardly proud to have others bestow things, time or moments of compliments upon me. 

    Below are just a few of my inner pride tendency’s… 

    • I find it hard and almost embarrassing for someone give me gifts that mean a lot to me
    • I am always grateful for the offerings that other people offer up to me, but I find that saying thank you make me feel very open and vulnerable.
    • I try very hard not to put myself into the position where I have to say thank you to some for doing admirable things for me… I always find myself questioning then persons motives and reasons for doing things that they may do honour for me.
    • Sorry is a hard word for me to say… However when and if I find that the word sorry has to be said I am at all times honourable and meaning in my deliverance. I admit that I rarely put myself in the position of finding my self in the position to say sorry.. this may sound self conceited but sorry isn’t a word that I like to use because I at all times strive to be the most honest person that I can be.
    • more than anything else I absolutely hate being raw and vulnerable to people… Especially to those who I feel have a very deep place in my heart.. I am so very very scared of being hurt by the actions of others using what is me and my true self against me.
    • I feel so very strongly about the relationships and friendships that I hold for those who I chose to be around that I spend a great deal of time in getting to know them and their ins and outs before I actually can openly admit that I truly trust them.
    • I am always honest with people and am very much aware of how intimidating my honesty and truth riddled ways can and does at times makes others feel uncomfortable or that I myself make myself hard to get know.
    • I have many levels of friendships and it is true that I allow very few into my inner circle… I also admit that some of longest known friends are still in be known to them are still very much exist in my utter circle due to lack of trust, or even some of them rarely show their degree of loyalty to me… This could be over something as simple as watching me from the outside when they could very much be helping and standing by me in my troubled times.
    • I may act as though I am tough and hard to like, to get to know, or even in getting to love but the truth is that this is one of my self preservation modes… I rather be hard on the outta exterior of myself and allow room for others to climb over my tightly enclosed walls.
    • I’m a giver and give way to much… I love to share with others the things that I love.
    • I take forever to learn to love and for that matter to like others… But when I do love and like some one love and love hard with all that I am… Love of a mate or a friendship is a forever thing for me. 

I may never break the ”Breaking Me Pride” that makes up me… I am not ashamed to admit that the above things that I have shared, they are just a few of ingredients that have helped in making me into the person that I am.

I have always been told that I am and act way to proud; that I hold myself way to tight and way to within my outer bounds… I have over the last year worked very hard on not listening or taking into myself the word’s and thoughts of others… But there is indeed a major part of me that does indeed listen to others…why do I listen…? Because I pride myself on listening to the people that I am in communication with… And for those people who I see as part if my tomorrow’s future, I offer them my personal respect in hearing them both verbally and none verbally… But. Am aware that I do have at time a lack of filter when it come to the parts of a conversation that is used in a detrimental way to about or against me…

Another of my fault lines is that I need to learn to put time into hearing about  me and my own life’s endeavours within my own hearts words and not in and around the words of others. What “Breaking My Pride” means to me is, me stopping the internalisation of things that people say to or about me… Learning to filter the negative aspects of what keeps me sitting down at a table with people who offer me little layer acceptance to whom it is that I am… My pride is indeed the mechanical part of me that keeps me locked into the cycle of not allowing my pride to say ”this isn’t respectful to me and or to the way that I feel; that I have the right to be treated as I would like to be treated”… My pride keeps me from truly being the very person that I am…I hide myself deep within myself… Far deeper than many are willing to delve into… And then pride part of me is ok with the level of sacrifice and international behaviours that others have to and for me.

I will now say this.. My pride is the very thing that keeps me upright.. Balanced… Self assured and feeling safe in my own convictions… Stubbornly this is the part of me that I won’t ever change or renege on… Remaining who I am is very important to me… The above is part of my integral makeup as well as these ingredients are the mechanical mechanisms that drive me and my inner self-pride parts of me to be the person that I am in my today ’s here and now… these “Breaking My Pride” convictions will  drive me to remain the very person that I am in my todays and the very person that I will become in my many tomorrows.


Breaking My Pride… I will never be completely comfortable in learning to break my pride…  I like my level of “pride” it is who I am after all.


Daily Quote
Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the highroad to pride, self-esteem, and personal satisfaction.

Author. Margaret Thatcher


Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com

Finding ḾⒺ

Here is a shortened reason for my distance from many that know and want to be around imagesL8Y8BD26.jpg
me as well I offer up an explanation not an excuse for my lack of writing at my blog as of late.


Courage, fire & energy wraps around me tightly… encircling me, empowering me to take each stride in my path one step at a time… I have grown more comfortable.. and I am continuing the practice of listening to my inner self more and that inner critic less… I am learning to like myself and the person that I am… and I am learning to let down the personal security guards that I employed to guard my mind and its thoughts as well as my hardened heart and fire sale of a soul… they did the job that they were asked to do… but maybe to well… they eventually worked at keeping me from  the many events and social circles that were once very rich in my life.

Listing to that inner voice that we all have living  within us is a practice that we all strive to harness…. but what I have found in the  years of me learning to actually sit and listen to that inner voice, is that I had without noticing it, put way to much reliability on my inner self and as for my inner critic & my self’s security team, I most definitely allowed them to take up way to much ownership of who I am… I became way too comfortable in not being truly present and liked not living the truest e that I could.

I know now that listening to that inner me, that very inner me that for so long had me wrapped me up so tight that I became an out of control tornado when I let the spring out of my wrapped arms that held me in their grip in the last few weeks… I had to take a moment to breathe and set the new me on my life’s wanted path…. all along my security team and inner critic had me self sabotaging all the good that I was doing.imagesw24t1s4d.jpg

I have come out of the eye of the storming tornado… and plucked my ass off the ground… I am back on track and the new me is in the process of moving in…

I know that I have relied to heavy on the inner security and at times I have allowed myself to be hidden in the shadows of their protection… what it is that I am doing now and in this my now life, my now new normal is I am learning to live life in a world where my self-protection is assured but that I need not have all the emergency systems going at all times…

A far harder lesson to learn is learning to be less headstrong and more open-minded to see the life that I want to have… that life that I want where I could find myself not needing to be in control of every aspect of my life’s days… living in the here and now and without a head full of stress and a closet full of yesterdays scars is where I want to be found… I am here to say that I am no longer go to live as a resident of my own heart and soul’s darkness and the world that I have been hiding from.

I know & have known for the longest time that I needed to draw a new normal and let go of all the parts of me that hold me back from the life that I want to be living… I had to give room to the new me and my new energy and give flight to all that has been holding me back.

In my high-stress moments all that lives within me (all but my vital organs that is) shuts down and I simply go into silent mode… ( I call this time “my filling cabinet time” – the time where I put everything into my inner self and throw out all that isn’t serving me & throw imagesRXAXR83Cit away for good. I have experienced this level of inner shut down before and know that my daily writing’s always take a hit… I choose to not write about my daily thoughts in times like this because all that comes out of me is the negative energy that keeps swallowed up and buried deep within my darkened soul. But what happened to me in the last few weeks is that I took the time I needed.. and I am back here as the new me… ready to put the work in that the new me needs to see.

We all need time to rebuild the us that we are inside, there is in all of us a place and time that lingers within us that holds us together at our fracturing point… stress & strains gets to us all from time to time & for some of us, we need to see our selves to a place where the waters of our lives are less turbulent and far more replenishing than we are used to… “A Stop Revive Survive Moment For Us & All That We Hold Inside.”


Today’s Daily Quote

“The guarantee of safety in a battering relationship can never be based upon a promise from the perpetrator, no matter how heartfelt. Rather, it must be based upon the self-protective capability of the victim. Until the victim has developed a detailed and realistic contingency plan and has demonstrated her ability to carry it out, she remains in danger of repeated abuse.” ― Judith Lewis Herman


I wake up and look in the mirror,
and I’m really not sure who’s looking back at me.
My heart is filled with pain,
but I still have a smile on my face.
Im living so many lives,
that I dont even know who I am.

So Im on a mission to find myself.
To seek for the person that’s waiting to be found.
I dont want to find the person that people want me to be.
I just want to find me.

I will search in my heart,
and I will search in my soul,
but once Ive found this person,
I will never let go.

Once I have found the person I am looking for,
I will bring her back to me,
to have her be the one looking back at me
when I wake in the morning.
She can show me the way,
so I can be myself day after day.

Im on a mission of finding myself, ,
To find who I want to be,
And Im not scared of who I’ll find,
Cause I’ll have to find me.


Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com

“ I’m Still Whispering To Myself ”

Today’s daily writing is brought to the forefront by the below meme Written By – Rachel – Bruised But Not Broken –

Reference – https://www.facebook.com/bruisedbutnotbrokensoulwork/

I’m still whispering to myself, Talking my way through the horror. “You’re not a little girl anymore you can do this.” And as I do, I question how many other little girls Are still clawing their way back up From the battlefield within And I make the conscious decision to raise my voice “You’re Not A Little Girl Anymore, You Can Do This.”


By now and through the reading of my daily writings you can see that not only save/collect but also use meme’s or quoted poems, sayings or blog phrases that other authors have written.

Why do I use the writings of others in my daily writings you ask? The answer is quite simple… I use the writings of others to convey in a shortened pose the meaning/message of my daily writings… sometimes the memes that come across my computers screen say the very thing that I want to say or am feeling at any given moment in a meaningful and condensed way… you see my writings are often long-winded and full of explanation… explanations that are not giving my readers or myself a long-winded blah blah blah conversation that leads them into a long-winded reason for my writings, my thoughts, my deepest minded feelings… the long-windedness of my writings is for my benefit… I like to write in length for I feel that someday when I find myself back at my writing on a page that I will be able to see a visual of myself through the words that have been given a descriptive voice on the days when my writings were written… I have indeed tried to write in short… but I find that I am not as in touch with the daily accounts and feelings that I was feeling on the actual day of my dated writings.

My daily writings are for me a written chronicle of my life and its many stories… the chronicled stories of my yesterday’s past my today’s accounts and my tomorrow’s dreams… my writings are for my future’s years… the days that I will look back on the journey that has mouldered me into the me I am…


What I want to see in my future self are the tears that I will cry when I re-read the journey that has given me the life that I have lived… I can’t wait to relive the moments and the memories that may or may not have escaped the vault of my mind… but more than than anything I cannot wait to see the growth of that little 8-year-old inner child “who I have named Karen” looking back at me through the open doors that my chronicled story es have open and given her life from… I want that little girl to remember how far we have come through the hurting and the pain that we once endured only you become the survivors of the hand that we have been delt…

I cant wait to see her growth that very growth that will never see her grow older than the 8 years that she is today… and I can’t wait for her to tell me that no matter how old I get and how aged my outta appearance gets that she too see’s me as that 8-year-old holding onto her as the years passed us by.

What was once our line of worded survival “You’re not a little girl anymore you can do this” will someday be the memorial to that little girl that once was us; that same little girl who clawed her way back up from the battlefield that loomed in us for those many many years in our earliest of yrars, that same battlefield that gave us the winning front line that saw us become victorious to our demons and the darkness of our inner introverted self that we preferred to live within, but what I want more than anything in days when I re-read this chronicle of daily writings is pride and gall that I had for that very day when my voice roared into a powerful allie and gave me the gift and conscience decision to say that my life was worthy of finding a greater existence both in snd outside of the walls that I built for myself thise many years ago in and around my 8th year of life… that very day when I raised my voice and screamed “You’re Not A Little Girl Anymore, You Can Do This.” What I was saying way than was… I could tell my story and empower myself with the power of no! and self-survival… no to inner hurt that I felt so deep, no to the pain that engulfed me and my mind & no to staying stuck in a world that had me being my only real friend, my own self’s one and only understanding of the true me that was hidden deep within …

Someday I will remember that little girl that will always be yesterday’s part of me… I will not have to say anything for all that had to of been said would have been chronicled in my daily journey and daily writings and on this day I will reword & chant the following…

You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that wisened you, at the softening that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.

Original Wording Reference – https://pin.it/ehcvajrill4sml Author. Zandra Brown

Reworded this written verse will say…

We have always been hard on yourself… All us… me, you, I and our inner critic Hard for sure, but not that hard that your heart was made of stone. You grew a voice and became our backbone & through it all, you never wished away Any part of your yesterday’s shadows Instead with nurturing arms Your took us all into your heart… You reinvented yourself And became who it is that lives and breathes Our endless words and endless dreams. Here we are in sitting in reflection; Marvelling at the life that is all of us in one, Looking fondly at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that wisened you, at the softening that strengthened you. But more importantly, we are looking fondly at The hell of a journey That delivered us much inner love and peace. Despite everything; the all that we have been through… We have grown into proving That inner strength lives in all of us. Yes, we grew And we made our path flourish… A journey of inner growth, perseverance And shear courage that kept us fired up But unscathed by the burn of our life’s paths building.

Written By Tanya Kelly July 7th, 2019


In conclusion of today’s daily writings, I will be sharing the following meme or written verse titled “The Ocean You By Author. Nikita Gill”

The Ocean You

Every time you think you are broken, Know this; you are never really breaking. No one can break an ocean, Darling, all that you are doing, Is breaking the glass that is holding you back, Diving deeper into your own depths, Discovering yourself in pockets Of the most somber waves, Rebuilding your heart with coral, With seaweed, with moon coloured sand dust. Do stop trying to hold yourself back inside that glass, It was never meant to hold you. Instead, break it, shatter it into a thousand pieces… And become who you were always meant to be, An ocean, proud and whole.

Through the words of Nikita Gill I have had an ahh ha… yes yes that exactly what I am saying about me, we and us in the journey of our life…

My thousands of pieces kept me held back from the inner growth that was life’s blueprint… the journey that should never have been changed or altered by another… but sadly it was… instead of being the ocean that grew in it tides and became sombered waves in my personal growth I was the very glass that held myself back from the world that was beckoning me to live within its atmosphere and natured roads… the glass couldn’t hold me when I became hurt and lost… and strangely enough I know that if it wasn’t for my heartache my protective glass would have broken anyway… I became my own self’s warrior and built up the survivor within me to not only stand up with my own backbone intact… but also as the nurturing arms for others being melted down… those who are lost and screaming out for a hand to hold.

The concreted heart became delicate coral and a nurturing home, full of strength and proof that inner forgiveness builds growth and strength. Seaweed and moon coloured sand dust not only became the footings to my new proud and whole me… they have also grown in their qualities and empowerment’s and lent a hand to many.

The glass of me that once was me shattered into a thousand pieces is today that shattered glass choosing to be that thousand pieces… yesterday reflecting tears and heartache… today a kaleidoscope of all the pieces of my past that today tell the stories of how I became me.

Written By Tanya Kelly July 7th, 2019


And finally another written meme/verse by Nikita Gill that will help to end today’s daily writings.

Reinvent yourself. Over and over again. Plant new wildflowers into your spirit. Set a wildfire inside yourself and then regrow. Take the wildest thing about you and nurture it till it blossoms. Tend to the sea that resides inside your heart and listen to its storms, washes you anew. How else will you let go of everything that causes you such terrible harm if you are still living inside the old you, the person who was so damaged by it all?

https://www.facebook.com/bruisedbutnotbrokensoulwork/

I’m still whispering to myself, Talking my way through the horror. “You’re not a little girl anymore you can do this.” And as I do, I question how many other little girls Are still clawing their way back up From the battlefield within And I make the conscious decision To raise my voice “You’re Not A Little Girl Anymore, You Can Do This.”


By now amd through the reading of my daily writings you can see that not only save/collect but also use meme’s or quoted poems, sayings or blog phrases that other authors have written.

Why do I use the writings of others in my daily writings you ask? The answer is quite simple… I buse the writings of others to convey in a shortened pose the meaning/message of my daily writings… sometime the memes that come across my computers screen say the very thong that I want to say or am feeming at any given moment in a meaningful and condensed way… you see my writings are often long winded and full of explanation… explanations that are not giving my readers or myself a long winded blah blah blah conversation that leads them into a long winded reason for my writings, my thoughts, my deepest minded feelings… the long windedness of my writings is for my benefit… I like to write inength for I feel that someday when I find myself bavk at my writing on a page that I will be able to see a visual of myself through the words that have been give a descriptive voice on the days when my writings were actually written… I have in deed tried to write in short… but I find that I am not as in touch with the daily accounts and feelings that I was feeling on the actual day of my dated writings.

My daily writings are for me a written chronicle of my life and its many stories… the chronicled stories of my yesterday’s past my today’s accounts and my tomorrow’s dreams… my writings are for my future’s years… the days that I will look back on the journey that has mouldered me into the me I am…


What I want to see in my future self is the tears that I will cry when I re-read the journey that has given me life that I have lived… I can’t wait to relive the moments and the memories that may or may not have escaped my minds vault… but more than than anything I cannot wait to see the growth of that little 8 year old inner child “who I have named Karen” looking back at me through the open doors that my chronicled story es have open and given her life from… I want that little girl to remember how far we have come through the hurting and the pain thst we once endured only yo become the survivors of the hand that we we were delt…

I cant wait to see her growth, that very growth that will never see her grow older than the 8 years that she is today… and I cant wait for her to tell me that no matter how old I get and how aged my outta appearance gets that she too see’s me as that 8 year old holding onto her as the years passed us by.

What was once our line of worded survival “You’re not a little girl anymore you can do this” will someday be the memorial to that little girl that once was us; that same little girl who clawed her way back up from the battlefield that loomed in us for those many many years in our earliest of yrars, that same battlefield that gave us the winning front line that saw us become victorious to our demons and the darkness of our inner introverted self that we preferred to live within, but what I want more than anything in days when I re-read this chronicle of daily writings is pride and gall that I had for that very day when my voice roared into a powerful allie and gave me the gift and conscience decision to say that my life was worthy of finding a greater existence both in snd outside of the walls that I built for myself thise many years ago in and around my 8th year of life… that very day when I raised my voice and screamed “You’re Not A Little Girl Anymore, You Can Do This.” What I was saying way then was… I could tell my story and empower myself with the power of no! and self survival… no to inner hurt that I felt so deep, no to the pain that engulfed me and my mind & no to staying stuck in a world that had me being my only real friend, my own self’s one and only understanding of the true me that was hidden deep within …

Someday I will remember that little girl that will always be yesterday’s part of me… I will not have to say anything for all that had to of been said would have been chronicled in my daily journey and daily writings and on this day I will reword & chant the following…

You’re so hardd on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that wisened you, at the softening that strengthened you. Despite everything You still grow. Be proud of this.

Original Wording Reference – https://pin.it/ehcvajrill4sml Author. Zandra Brown

Reworded this written verse will say…

We have always been hard on yourself… All us.. me, you, I and our inner critic Hard for sure, But not that hard that your heart was made of stone. You grew a voice and became our backbone & through it all you never wished away Any part part of your yesterday’s shadows Instead with nurturing arms Your took us all into your heart… You reinvented yourself And became who it is that lives and breathes Our endless words and endless dreams. Here we are in sitting in reflection; Marvelling at the life that is all of us in one, Looking fondly at the grief that softened you, and at the heartache that made you wise beyond your years, at the softening that strengthened you. But more importantly weare looking fondly at The hell of a journey That delivered us much inner love and peace. Despite everything; the all that we have been through… We have grown into proving That inner strength lives in a of us. Yes we grew And we made our path flourish.. A journey of inner growth, perseverance And shear courage that kept us fired up But unscathed by the burn of our life’s paths building.

Written By Tanya Kelly July 7th, 2019


In conclusion of today’s daily writings, I will be sharing the following meme or written verse titled “The Ocean You By Author. Nikita Gill”

The Ocean You

Every time you think you are broken, Know this; you are never really breaking. No one can break an ocean, Darling, all that you are doing, Is breaking the glass that is holding you back, Diving deeper into your own depths, Discovering yourself in pockets of the most sombre waves, Rebuilding your heart with coral, With seaweed, with moon coloured sand dust. Do stop trying to hold yourself back inside that glass, It was never meant to hold you. Instead, break it, Shatter it into a thousand pieces… And become who you were always meant to be, An ocean, proud and whole.


Through the words of Nikita Gill I have had an ahh ha… yes yes that exactly what I am saying about me, we and us in the journey of our life…

My thousands of pieces kept me held back from the inner growth that was life’s blueprint… the journey that should never have been changed or altered by another… but sadly it was… instead of being the ocean that grew in it tides and became sombre waves in my personal growth I was the very glass that held myself back from the world that was beckoning me to live within its atmosphere and natured roads… the glass couldn’t hold me when I became hurt and lost… and strangely enough I know that if it wasn’t for my heartache my protective glass would have broken anyway… I became my own warrior and built up the survivor within me to not only stand up with my own backbone intact… but also as the nurturing arms for others being melted down… those who are lost and screaming out for a hand to hold.

The concreted heart became delicate coral and a nurturing home, full of strength and proof that inner forgiveness builds growth and strength. Seaweed and moon coloured sand dust not only became the footings to my new proud and whole me… they have also grown in their qualities and empowerment’s and lent a hand to many.

The glass of me that once was me shattered into a thousand pieces is today that shattered glass chooing to be that thousand pieces… yesterday reflecting tears and heartache… today a kaleidoscope of all the pieces of my past that today tell the stories of how I became me.

Written By Tanya Kelly July 7th, 2019


And finally another written meme / verse by Nikita Gill that will help to end today’s daily writings.

Reinvent yourself. Over and over again. Plant new wildflowers into your spirit. Set a wildfire inside yourself and then regrow. Take the wildest thing about you and nurture it till it blossoms. Tend to the sea that resides inside your heart and listen to its storms, wash you anew. How else will you let go of everything that causes you such terrible harm if you are still living inside the old you, the person who was so damaged by it all?


Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com

“ Kintsugi & Mushin – Broken & Repaired Japanese Pottery ”

“We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in…”

Call me strange but I quite like the broken pieces of me that helped in moulding me the very person that I am… the struggles that I have endured in the years of my life haven’t kintsugi-statueA funny and slightly rude saying has been playing over and over in my head for the past few days “ I Am Completely Fucking Broken Inside ”

(I know  you hate the word broken Ms. Maggie… But being broken has taught me many things and those things have given the person that I am in my here and now a many gifts).

What a funny little saying it is if you don’t mind me saying… I bet that you have heard the famous quote thought up and written down by Ernest Hemingway about broken people and or about the broken parts that make broken people them….!! always been a walk in the park & they most certainly haven’t been days, months & years that haven’t brought on moments of questioning, double takes and tearing moments of fear… but what my broken pieces have given me is a strength unmeasurable by any measurement known to man… the very fact that I am here writing down my many chronicled stories of my life this far gives me and my many thousands of pieces a place to call home.

I have never felt the burden of the imperfections of my broken self… I love that life hasn’t had me living in a bubble protected from the reality of the real world…

I see my self as a nurturer of the many parts of me that are quite capable functioning just as well as a normal person does and would. What the hell is normal besides the setting on the dryer? There is no such thing as normal… not one living and breathing person is extinguished from feeling the wrath of life and its many hiccups and speed humps that we come across in our day to day lives.

I like to tell people that my broken pieces resonate well with the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery; an art called Kintsugi 金継ぎ – meaning golden repair… Kintsugi is where broken pottery is repaired by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, a method similar to the make-e technique. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. So I see myself at a piece of art with a titled name of Kintsugi 金継ぎ…. the genuine, tender and morally driven parts of my heart, mind and soul are the golden lacquered joinery’s that are very much a part of my life’s history.. the historic parts of me that hold me in an upright stance; taking life head-on without flinching or diversion. I am through the many lessons that life has thrown at me become a broken piece of pottery named Kintsugi 金継ぎ who embraces all her broken pieces and belies that my broken pieces make my heart, mind, soul and the vessel (my body) a person that has far more beautiful qualities within the aura of my broken pieces.

I see myself as a whole and a working wonder of much good that I do to and for others in my life… I love my life and all that I stand for; happily, I stand firm in my well-built footings, standing strong in the winds of life that swirl in and out of my life… I am living my life embracing all parts of me… broken, flawed, imperfect or otherwise.

In some roundabout kind of way, I am working toward living my life in a some sort of mixed matched Japanese Philosophy called “Mushin.”

When I say that I want to live my life eventually in some sort of mixed matched version of a person who wants to encompass a certain lifestyle of the Japanese philosophy of Mushin in her life I mean that I want to build a personal aura of which I am built on having a free mind … one free from thoughts of anger, fear, or ego during combat or everyday life. There is an absence of discursive thought and judgment, so the person is totally free to act and react towards an opponent without hesitation and without disturbance from such thoughts. At this point, a person relies not on what they think should be the next move, but what is their trained natural reaction (or instinct) or what is felt intuitively.(Discursive – a life that is built on and includes lots of facts or opinions that are not necessarily relevant to the life that I am wanting to live… not forgetting them as being part of my past, but not allowing them to rule my future self or my future life’s journey).

As much as I love the definition and meanings and symbolism of both Kintsugi and Mushin I don’t want to become of a version of myself that has “no mind” and I certainly do not wish to wish to live my life where I no longer consider myself as a “fighter”… I’m happy to adopt the part of the Japanese philosophy where I see myself as living being that is living and brokenmeisokbreathing as well as moving through space…. & I also have no interest in living a life with no attachment…this is what I mean by a mixed matched version of a person living her life in line with the Japanese philosophy of Mushin…. for me it is very important that at all time not only remain true to myself but that I must also remain morally in touch with who it is that I am… I didn’t work to be who it is that I have become just to throw it to the winds of a Japanese philosophy that I only partially embrace my heart and arms around… I am for self-acceptance of change… I won’t embrace my new lease on life… I want to embrace the new beginnings of new and reinvented self… living my life where I am not afraid to show the roads of my life that have given me my scars… I don’t want to disguise the history of my yesterday’s… I want to embrace them and build my life around the branches that they have been grafted to.


I found a beautiful essay that went on to say though it’s message of the Japanese art of repairing a piece of pottery the following:-

instead of the break “…diminishing [the bowl’s] appeal, a new sense of its vitality and resilience raised appreciation to even greater heights.” The bowl has become more beautiful for having been broken. The true life of the bowl “…began the moment it was dropped…”

“So it is not simply any mended object that increases in its appreciation but…the gap between the vanity of pristine appearance and the fractured manifestation of mortal fate which deepens its appeal.”

Reference – http://www.camiimac.com/good-juju-today-blog/kintsukuroi-more-beautiful-for-having-been-broken

How beautiful is the written line The bowl has become more beautiful for having been broken. The true life of the bowl “…began the moment it was dropped…” this line of writing depicts me in my story of self-awareness, self-growth and the inner reinvention if the mooded me growing into the me that I was truly intended to be… with my scars uncovered & my journey’s off-road path well marked throughout the stories of my written words.


A Poem Comparing A Bowl With Repairs & A Life That Has Some Cracks & Scars

By Author. Peter Mayer

I’m like one of those Japanese bowls That were made long ago I have some cracks in me They have been filled with gold
That’s what they used back then When they had a bowl to mend It did not hide the cracks It made them shine instead
So now every old scar shows from every time I broke And anyone’s eyes can see I’m not what I used to be
But in a collector’s mind All of these jagged lines Make me more beautiful And worth a higher price
I’m like one of those Japanese bowls I was made long ago I have some cracks you can see See how they shine of gold.


In closing of today’s daily writing titled “ Kintsugi & Mushin – Broken & Repaired Japanese Pottery ” I share a poem written by a favourite author of mine –
Nikita Gill titled “ Kintsugi ”

Kintsugi

On the days when you feel ashamed of your scars, Your mind only registering how ugly they are Rather than beauty, they prove that you have survived, Remember that there is an entire art form dedicated to filling the cracks of broken things with lacquered gold.

An entire art from the proves that Even the broken and damaged history of an object Is beautiful and should be treasured.

Remember how much more you are Then an object. Remember your survival, your journey, Your scars deserve to be treasured to.


shinesthrough
There it is… my daily writing that offers up how I relate myself to a piece of broken & repaired piece of Japanese pottery and how “ I Am Completely Fucking Broken Inside ” and embracing my life for all it’s faults, fractures & broken pieces.

So Mr Hemingway a dedication to you… Your written quote goes like this – “ We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in…” I embrace my broken pieces and I am most certainly absorbing line light that is helping me to grow into the person that my life has me wanting to be… My broken surely is shedding its light on me… And I am embracing it… repairing me but keeping perfectly fixed with flaws and all the work to shine the light on me from the outside in.


Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com

Strength In Friends

wordsnhugs.jpg

In a passing conversation  that I have had with two others not only today but also with the past few weeks I have been asked to surface and show that I am ok…. they know that I am not completely without connection or words of ok…. but they also know that something within my few answered words just isn’t right.

What can I say?… I say nothing … I have no words to say; I do not speak a word in reply I bow my head and sigh… they know that daily writing are the very things that get e through my days… but it has a very long few weeks where no words have been written, no words have been shared… and even fewer conversations that normal are had…. they tell me with one caring strong arm to take all the time that I need; my some time for rest and time to rebuild one’s self… but all that I can hear in a far off distance is them screaming my name…
my silence isn’t golden to their caring hearts… I miss them with all that I am  and have burning inside…. but how can I re-join them and the life outside my own bubble when all that I feel is being gestured is a hand that once lent a hand? I want to tell them that I need to back… I want to tell them that I can see how far I have wondered and fallen away… but more than anything I want them to hear the message that I do not verbally speak but instead speak with my eyes…. that I am trapped in a darkness that shares a light when it wants to… a room with no floor, no walls and no celling… I am in outer space with no tethered line… and uncertainty of where my feet need to find the ground that re-earths me.

If  I could convey one message to them right now it would be that “I know that I am brave enough to find the courage to find me in disconnection that I feel… I want them to know envelopehearts
that the burden of a spine that has been built on strength can only withstand so much when the wolf is continuously at its core but more importantly I want them to know that there is a reason for why some people are given a place at the table of another’s life… and the reason for why they are here they will find in the mirrors that shine their reflection… they are the sincerity and the honesty that my heart loves to hear and they are the strength that has become the very thing that we all rely on.

Dearest friends; if only I could float to you my noted page… upon its inked and worded page you will both find a worded song that sings worded verse they convey gratitude and thanks… you both know that there are no words that need to be said but I hope that you can both see and understand that there has been no one real reason for why I have stepped away… I just needed to “I hope that you understand.” I had to give myself the permission to take a few weeks of leave… I have been strong for so long… I know this you do see… but I had to give myself the permission that I have been needing to sit still in my silence.

You both asked me for a few words… short and sweet… and I gift you with the heartfelt words of thanks for the unsaid words that whisper to me that you both care… I don’t question this for I know that your words are true… I won’t stay away for much longer… I am the rebuilding me one day at a time… this rejuvenation time of one’s self is almost complete I will be signing name again shortly… reinvented, rejuvenated and soring to my heights in the me that I am becoming…”Prevalere Phenix” – the journey of me finding I in a world where I am known as I…. where stories of overcoming  life’s struggles and hurdles will unveil a survivor who has been built up by all that she has been through.”

I thank you both from the bottom of my heart for being the gift that you have been… delivered over ocean, through nodes and connections of time… knowing that you are both their struggling, growing and enjoying the journey of your own days is all the encouragement that I need to bring me back to the space that we all find much comfort in the silence of our unspoken words.

I hear you and I have never not done so… understand that I needed this time to give me strength and permission to give myself a place at my own table.
___________________________________
In part todays writing is a letter to my online friends… the people that have become the strength that we all take turns in leaning on…I have been gone and disconnected for some time now… I know that I must return to where my mind and writing heart are happiest. Beside them and with… giving them the very time that I have ask for in letting to sit still in silence.
___________________________________
This note is love towards your understand and comforting words of we miss we… You both know who you are.


Signed
The M.I.A 3rd Side Of The Triangle

I’m Learning To Know Myself – Day# 4

—>> Continuing On With – “Plan B’ing My Life” <<–

This week it was proposed to me that I enter a call to myself mission and put a few of my loose ends into the spotlight and find a workable model that will serve to enhance me and my life’s journey.

My Journey in this my life thus far has been one of much learning. I have been a pharmacy assistant, a child care worker, a secretary, a computer/web technician, a web designer & a counsellor… amongst my little skill sets that I have shared with others.

I have taken the plunge and started the movement in footsteps towards my new journey…. I am interested in setting my goals and dreams… yesterday I was ready to take my first steps… and today I am committed !idea_plan_action.jpg

I spent my day doing what I promised myself that I would I took my diary’s today’s “to-do entry” & started making tangible progress to follow through with my “call to me mission.”

I Today have the F.A.B Model running along side me in my day to day life’s journey.
(What does F.A.B stand for ? F.A.B = Focus -> Attitude -> Belief – turning my can’ts into I Can, I Will Do & I have Done So…

Till Tomorrow’s Daily Write.

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com

I’m Learning To Know Myself – Day #3

“Plan B’ing My Life”

This week it was proposed to me that I enter a call to myself mission and put a few of my loose ends into the spotlight and find a workable model that will serve to enhance me and my life’s journey.

“T.I.L.Y.B” an acronym given to me by my fellow ‘sista scripta’s’ an acronym that I will reveal its meaning and the outcome of its 7 days of learned experiences to in a weeks time.

My ‘sista scripta’s’ have become my unofficial accountability partners… they call me on my bullshit, they call me out on my days of lack of self acceptance… all with love, care and genuine concern to give.

To my Sista Scripta’s…

Let the journey to accountability, self discovery and self acceptance begin.

Today I awoke with a spring in my stumble filled walk… & after some reordering of my minds thoughts this week … I have been putting some of my life’s plan A movements into the background so that I can spend sometime in “reskilling in my plan B.”

Sorry to be vague right now… but still getting my ass off the fence where it has been busy collecting splinters – “Sharon Pearson.”

Sharon Pearson writes “change the objection into the objective”… so that is exactly what I am doing… I was just this week called into “A Call To Me Mission ” by my fellow Sista Scripta’s… so here is my day #3 call to me… the do something for me… stop procrastinating and meandering around things – stop going around things the long way let the winding path that I have been living find a more directional path… it’s time to end the circuitous path in this my journey through life.

Curious about what I am rambling on about? You will have to stay tuned…

I was asked one question this week and it was… “In a years time where do I want to be”… now that I know my direction “I Am Off … Treading Footsteps Plotting My Plan B Path”…

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com

I Am Learning To Know Myself – Day#2

Today it was proposed to me that I enter a call to myself mission and put a few of my loose ends into the spotlight and find a workable model that will serve to enhance me and my life’s journey.

“T.I.L.Y.B” an acronym given to me by my fellow ‘sista scripta’s’ an acronym that I will reveal its meaning and the outcome of its 7 days of learned experiences to in a weeks time.

My ‘sista scripta’s’ have become my unofficial accountability partners… they call me on my bullshit, they call me out on my days of lack of self acceptance… all with love, care and genuine concern to give.

To my Sista Scripta’s…

Let the journey to accountability, self discovery and self acceptance begin.

Day #2

In celebration of my “T.I.L.Y.B” call to self mission a searched for a writing that had me defined in a well written verse.

I wrote for hours today; written verses about myself… describing me and standing to the world but nothing I wrote seemed to say all there was to say… so I searched my saved memes… words written by other authors – written memes and verses a plenty and many seemed to have me in the winds of their words when describing me and my ways to a tea.

I chose a writing by author Jennifer Sebits – An Author who writes for
“The Minds Journal”… this is her worded meme that has become a daily verbal moment that I celebrate secretly with in my mind.

Here I am… standing my ground
Not running away. Not making excuses.
Not giving up on hope or faith.
Not forcing anything.
I’m waiting patiently to see
How it’s all going to play out
When push does finally come to shove.
Waiting to see who’s meant to be
And who’s not.


Not to be out done by the spoken words of another writer soulful words I share with you a little something that I wrote sometime ago that I think sums up me…

I once was a person
who stood tall in the face of an argument.
I would stand on that very ground
That offered me nothing more
Than the even ground I stood on.
& either stand my ground
Till the cows come home; or till the other party walked away.
I would stand my ground; loud and proud
Mouthy, raw & full of my own conviction
But to I refuse to stand on that same ground
& defend myself in either in my now life or my past
I stand in silent defiance to arguments built on ignorance & contradictions to spoken lies & untold truths.

Written By Tanya Kelly. 2017

tanyakelly2017


Through this personal journey of writing about me & about how as a person I have healed myself and continue to heal myself so that I could make room in my world, in my heart, in my mind and most importantly within myself to bring about the changes that will work with me in order to bring myself into my happier self.

I will not go as far as allowing myself to blame others for the rough spots that have plagued my life, I own my share in my unhappiness & am more than ready to continue rebuilding myself into the person that I know exists in me.

I have known hardship. I have lost myself. But here I stand, still moving forward, growing stronger each day. I will never forget the harsh lessons in my life. They made me stronger.

I know now that I am ready for me to love me… farewell to the days that I have said tomorrow is another day… I am so ready for that someday of building and wanting the changes in my day to be today.

In a quote written by

Heidi Delliare – LoveWideOpen.com

I sit in agreement with her pictured quote that goes like this: –

You have to heal
Your own heart
And then
The right
things will come
Into your life.
What this pictured quote says to me is this: –
in order for my heart
To enter its amended state
I must at first
Own my wows
My heart aches
And uncloak my inner struggles
And let them finally be seen
Own them
And be allowing of me so proud of their journey
Bringing me forth to the me
That is free of the struggles that weigh
Ever so heavily upon me.
Freeing me from my hearts hurt
Delivering me to the changes in my life
That Will shortly after follow.


I know that in the past few weeks that I have been writing a fair bit about me, my inner child, my inner hurts, my inner pains, my memories, my life events, the people that surround me…

Before I started writing full time again back in January I was already aware of the benefits of writing things down. I knew that by writing letters and owning my thoughts that I would be free of my burdens someday.

I knew that the letters and the thoughts that flowed through me; were the very Barriers that held me back. I knew that I was becoming isolated within and by myself and I knew that if something didn’t change and soon that I would become a made-up version of myself.

I was very much in the know that I had become closed off and in need of something or something’s to change.

Things were piling up in my mind & the stress was starting to show… so I thought hell why not go back to the one thing I knew that I could do (write) and mix it with my counselling skills and practices… I sat to begin my writing therapy and have learned that my inner demons were demanding an identity and their story was yelling to be told.

I am not saying that I have pulled out of my writing therapy without opening wounds that I wasn’t in the know of their existence … I knew that I would at some point feel flat and exhausted by the experience but I knew oh too well that my road wasn’t going to be an easy one and I knew that the very part of me that I thought I had forever hidden and forever vanished to be ignored would eventually surface.

In process of the issues in me surfacing I knew that I would face my darkness the barriers buried deep within me that would someday help me to heal my heart.

I am living and breathing and I am by no means free of my demons; but I am free of the hurting heartache that prevents me from being me.

I am not cured but I am finally free to be me and as open as I can be.


There is a song that sums up my journey of me becoming me… the happier me… the guarded me who knows that I was ready to fight for me and the very ideals that work to make me strong, healing me from my inside out.

This song’s title is the (“Fight Song – By Rachel Platten)

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion
And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
Losing friends and I’m chasing sleep
Everybody’s worried about me
In too deep
Say I’m in too deep (in too deep)
And it’s been two years I miss my home
But there’s a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe
And all
And all those things I didn’t say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
A lot of fight left in me
Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion
This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I’m alright song
My power’s turned on
Starting right now I’ll be strong (I’ll be strong)
I’ll play my fight song
And I don’t really care if nobody else believes
‘Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me
Know I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me

This song reminds me of my strength and metamorphosis into the person that I am intended to be. Flaws and All


There it is day #2 of my “T.I.L.Y.B – I Am Learning To Know Myself – “Call To Myself Mission”

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com