Day #134 “Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?” – Part #4

“Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?”
Reference/s –
https://themighty.com &
https://themighty.com/content/5c8a4aa63e5bbc00e49c3dcf


img_3811-1When I write about my story of Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis I write in a personal way… I write about PPMS as if he was a real person , with a real identity…(I have humanised him and even given him a name and a gender, his name is “My Story – and his gender is Male”

There are times throughout my writings where “My Story” himself makes an appearance & he is allowed to have a voice and even writes in the first person, I choose not to write for him (as a person telling another person’s story – in a disconnected third person kind of way)… “My Story” does have his own identity and he in fact as of late has started to identify himself as a comedian… (a self amused writer… as I personally see him).

I do think that in giving a human form to the identity of my PPMS, by giving him a name & a gender, by allowing him to speak in his own voice, in allowing him to identify himself as a comedian I think that I am just putting a lighter side to a diagnosis that exists in my body… that works against me in my everyday life… pushing its boundaries and “kick ass attitude” into my even white knuckled painful daily journey.

I have written before in and throughout my writings about my PPMS about how I feel that I am in my day to day life of having Ms test I know that I am in a fight with myself and my diagnosis to maintain who it is that I am…. and who it was that I was before my diagnosis of PPMS came to be a small part of who it is that I am now. I have written about how it is important for me to maintain my mind, my thoughts and my ability to learn new things.

And I have written on numerous occasions of my fears of how I would struggle to lose the who and the what parts of the very person that I am… what would I do without my thoughts and my mind processing and working abilities?? I would hate to think… my god I think that I would be better off being lost to this world than I would be if I had to live in this world with a diminished reality of whom it is that I am.

And there are times when I share a personal side of my PPMS story and how it affects me … just recently in a post I wrote the following:- “My Story”… I even thank him kindly when he makes me crash head first into the walls of my hallway… I don’t particularly find it funny when he trips me up on my many times folded socks (I have small feet and my socks have a mind of their own, together “My Story” and my socks work hard at pissing me off), but I give them a mouthful.. throwing my sox into the washing basket screaming “you deserve far worse treatment but maybe a spin in the washing machine will teach you who is boss..”

It sounds ridiculous… but getting mad only feeds the pain and symptoms… of “My Story” and my PPMS… I have found that humour humiliates both my symptoms and my ass-kicking socks and momentarily I feel a release of it’s at times overwhelming pain threshold that it can at times have over me.

I do tell people who ask about my Ms… that I Have Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, It Can & Will Kick Me In The Ass When It So Has The Need & Or Want To… But Humour Keeps It’s Hold On Me From Knocking Me To The Floor.

I do choose to get up everyday knowing that at this moment in time that there is no cure for Ms, that there is only trials, treatments and day to day struggles…I have on many occasions been told that I am way to positive about my PPMS diagnosis “Like Really – Was That A Sentence, A Statement Or A Judgement ?”

I have told many people over the years since my diagnosis that there is truly no point in seeing the bad side of my Ms diagnosis, that crying & screaming “why me ?” isn’t for me… I tell people that at times Ms may have a tight grip on my pain threshold, but I believe that humour and giving it an identity like I have keeps the strong hold and the amount of medications that I have to take down to the minimum.

So I say to you my readers …. that maybe I am way to positive or even casual about my PPMS and its diagnosis/symptoms and maybe that positive attitude is too positive of an attitude for some people to handle… but for me, having a positive, humanising, humorous attitude about my PPMS is how i cope and get by from day to day – being positive works for me and whilst my positive attitude may not dwell well with others… I say to that…. What others think and how they feel about my positive attitude is just that “their thoughts” I choose not to weigh into the thinking’s and thoughts of other people… my journey and the way I go about it is what makes my Ms story personal to me…I choose to laugh in the face of my own diversity…  ” I refuse to use MS as a crutch or an excuse for the bad days that may block my day-to-day paths, I put on a brave face each & everyday… wearing strength & inner perseverance like a super hero cape even when the days have me feeling like I have no energy to power on.”


Awhile back I wrote the below poem titled “This Is Me”… A summation of the everything that I am… & I feel its a perfect summation of  today’s scrawling’s and my inner thoughts.

“This Is Me”
I’m not a stranger to the verbal words spoken behind my turned back
I see the finger-pointing
& I feel the stabbing pains that dig me deep within my heart
Pushing me to my breaking pointing
Expecting me to run
Run as far as it takes where no one can see me
All because they say its fun
To pull away at my inner workings
To see how I tick and toc

They want to see me hurt
They want to feel my need
All so that they can say that they were the ones who saved me!

I walk alone in my own stained glass tears
Pushing forward with all that wills me
Through the barricades of people who hold me back
& onto the footpath that I have built for me
And when the darted words make my life unbearable
I choose to walk tall vowing that my tears will never fall.

Silent moments and a flood of tears
Away from watching eyes and cheers of laughter
Silence becomes my comforter
As my legs raise me to where I am ok again.

I am not scared to have to have an opinion
& I am not scared to make it known
& whilst I certainly do not walk without fear
I am comforted by my guiding morals and values
I make no apologies,
I welcome my strength and know that this is who is me.
And when their words
Try to bend and break my resolve
I put on my brave face
& walk proudly on.

I am me
I am unique
I am the best me that I can be.
No hesitations
No apologies
& certainly no damn sorry’s
For I am being who it is that I was meant to be.

Written By
Tanya Kelly
2019


So… “Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?” …. Hell yah it is… & his name is “ My Story, He Is Male, He Identifies As A Comedian” and together “ My Story & I ” live with a positive attitude that has a humanising element of who & what “My Story”  & PPMS” is to me…

PPMS, “My Story” & I  are the elements of me that make me; me!


So there it is my thoughts and perspectives on an interesting question came into my inbox.. (“Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?”)… the very thoughts that got me thinking about my Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, and about how PPMS, “My Story” & I  are the elements of me that make me; me!

Reference/s – https://themighty.com & https://themighty.com/content/5c8a4aa63e5bbc00e49c3dcf


Thank you for sticking with me & my long winded writings and thoughts. I hope that through my words you gained a greater understanding of what Multiple Sclerosis is and how the many of thousands of people who have it get through their every day’s.

Multiple Sclerosis may have altered some of my body’s workings & it may have altered the way that I do thing in my day to day life… but I am strong and I live each day to the fullest with a hope that the generations that will follow in my footsteps will live a life without Multiple Sclerosis or any other autoimmune disease in their timeline.


<== This Blog Post’s Other Pages ==>
Introduction  –  #1  –  #2  –  #3  –  #4

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com


Day #133 “Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?” – Part #3

“Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?”
Reference/s –
https://themighty.com &
https://themighty.com/content/5c8a4aa63e5bbc00e49c3dcf


img_3811-1So to answer the question put forward at the beginning of this daily write:- “Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?”

Well the answer is yes… yes of course my condition & diagnosis of Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis is part of who I am… but not in terms of “Am I Who Is It Is That I Am Because  I Have Been Diagnosed With Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis?” Well the answer to this is no, no my PPMS hasn’t made me who it is that I am & I certainly do not write about the things that I write about in my daily scrawling’s because of my Ms.

Some Background To My Daily Writings

I have been writing since I was very young & I have always written  at some level for these many years but on January 9th, 2018 I took up my daily writings as part of an agreement that I made with myself.  (I wanted to start up journaling again but was seriously concerned about the safety and security of my writings because some years ago my journal was stolen and handed around my teenage community of friends – from that moment I vowed to never journal again).

So in January last year I started writing on a daily bases and submitted my daily thoughts at http://www.750words.com&#8230; this writing forum was locked by a username and password… so I began writing and submitting my daily scrawling’s and felt secure in doing so.

So time rolled in and I was already dabbling in my thoughts of blogging… but there was no way that I was going to post what I had been writing about in my 750words.com’s daily postings… some of it was ok to use… but there was a degree of “personal anonymity that I want to keep.. for both me and my writings sake.”

I was so bogged down by my initial setup of my blog because I wanted to use my web design skills to create a website/blog that was all mine… I was do weighed down by the designing process of my blog that I becoming very overwhelmed by the whole idea of blogging, so I bit the bullet and put my design wants aside and began a free blogging site with http://www.wordpress.com – a site that is today known as 365 Day Somethings (http://365daysomethings.wordpress.com).

What I write about at 365 Day Somethings isn’t all about my diagnosis of Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis… there are posts about my PPMS but it rates the occasional mention and only from time to time.

Before I was diagnosed with PPMS I was a writer with much to say… but writing poetry & daily journaling was where I was in my wants for my writing journey.

As a child I did have ideas and or thoughts of becoming a journalist or a columnist but these parts of my secret thoughts and wants for my life were avenues and aspirations that I never pursued.

So before blogging and daily writings at 750words I was a web designer and the occasional writer of poetry… & when I say occasional writer of poetry what I mean to say here is that I probably have a few hundred pieces of written pieces that I have written over the past years.

After my actual diagnosis of PPMS I do think that I became more serious about my writing abilities and my wants for my many stories and hidden thoughts to be written…

There was a part of me that thought that my stories would be of some comfort to my Family and Friends in the event that my PPMS was to take a turn… I wanted to write and share the things that I kept within and didn’t share freely with others… I suppose that you could say that I saw a need to get writing and to finally download my many thoughts.

So in terms of the question at hand “Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?” Mmm… like I said … yes no and maybe in a small way it it… but I have always had a writing voice and I have always had an opinion about many things… but I do feel that I dont use my writing voice, my many daily writing avenues and my diagnosis of PPMS to have my say… in fact I more of a “prolific personal writer – an author of many writings “ but in saying that I am not a writer that chooses to write about things that are going on in and around the world… I have written about things in a more open stance before but I feel that my writings could be seen as a “personal collection of memoir elements that put together will tell the many stories of who it is that I am.”

Writing about my Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis is a small part of who I am, there us apart of me that want to write as a Warrior and a voice of Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis… I do have moments where I want to use my writing abilities to bring a voice and an awareness to Multiple Sclerosis and the life altering symptoms that causes Ms’ers the many limitations that’s its diagnosed disease brings… yes there is a part of me that has a want to advocate for the awareness, the education and the voice for Multiple Sclerosis… but I selfishly want to tell the stories of how my own personal journey and diagnosis of Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis affects and impacts me, my loved ones, my immediate family and my many friends near and far.

My personal stories will with hope become my personal memoir… a story of who I am that will in some sort of left handedness will serve to educate others about the fight and cause of  the disease know as Multiple Sclerosis.


<== Please Go To Blog Post #4 To Continue Reading This Blog Post ==>
Introduction  –  #1  –  #2  –  #3  –  #4

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com


Day #132 “Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?” – Part #2

“Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?”
Reference/s –
https://themighty.com &
https://themighty.com/content/5c8a4aa63e5bbc00e49c3dcf


img_3811-1I personally see my own Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis battle as it is a “Symbiont”) – An organism in a symbiotic relationship. In cases in which a distinction is made between two interacting organisms, the symbiont is the smaller of the two and is always a beneficiary in the relationship, while the larger organism is the host and may or may not derive a benefit from the relationship.

And then there are times when I see my Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis as a parasite (Parasitism is a kind of symbiosis; a close and persistent long-term biological interaction between the parasite and its host. Parasitism is a relationship between species, where one organism, the parasite, lives on or in another organism, the host, causing it some harm, and is adapted structurally to this way of life).

Why can’t Ms be known as a parasite?… after all what Ms does to the body is that it eats away the insulating covers of nerve cells, the brain and the spinal cord causing quite a bit of damage and leaving scars along the way… disrupting the ability of parts of the nervous system; causing it to miscommunicate with the body, resulting in a range of signs and symptoms, including physical, mental, and sometimes psychiatric problems.

So What Is Multiple Sclerosis In A Nutshell?

Ms is a demyelinating disease which means that it is a disease of the nervous system in which the myelin sheath of neurons is damaged. This damage impairs the conduction of signals in the affected nerves. In turn, the reduction in conduction ability causes a deficiency in sensation, movement, cognition, or other functions depending on which nerves are involved.

However, a person chooses to take on the plentiful gifts of Ms &it’s many symptoms is purely up to the person who has been given the diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis.

In my journey I choose to have a sense of humour (that I hold “My Story) responsible for), I keep busy with my web design/computer technician work, my many writing adventures & of course my blogging journey. I’m a busy Mum of 3 and a Wife to a very supportive Husband who all work hard to keep me grounded and on top of my Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis ailments.

I may sound chipper and it may seem that I have a can do, will do & have to do attitude about this whole life-altering story that has me in a not so bad of a way; let my words be heard but please don’t think that my journey has been and will be in the future an easy one, I have many many hard says and some land me in bed for days at s time… I work hard to keep myself on top of things & I work even harder to complete my own self appointed daily schedule… some days are more of an ass kicking than I let on… some days are full of self-talks and muttering moments that spur me to get a move on…

My Diagnosis of Ms has given me many hours of self-doubt… but I will never let myself get to the self-pity stage… I get angry for my family who has to endure the struggles that are not theirs (they also have to take on some of chore lists when “My Story” decides that he isn’t going to be a team player and work to get the house and its many chores done)… I am afraid of what tomorrow will bring… to be frank I am scared shitless of the unknown… I am in constant question time with my mind and souls governing body, it always seems to be in censorship that I am way to busy and mindfully active for someone who has PPMS but being busy in my many daily habits, Family and work life is where I get to be me… the me who has a diagnosis of Ms but is able to push through and just get shit done.

The best advice I could give to anyone struggling is this… get a notebook and write, write, write… Write about anything, writing is the best therapy that you could give to yourself.

Find a hobby, join a book club, take on a new adventure… but please whatever you do… “DON’T SIT STILL” sitting still and giving up will allow Ms and any other autoimmune disease to take over the cognitive functions of who it is that you are…

Like the saying goes “Strength In Numbers – When Referring To Bullying “ I believe that “A Can Do Attitude & Willful Strength Will See Those Brain Fog Days & Kick Ass Symptoms As Moments Of Resting Time For One’s Inner Courage.”

Building strength and determination that will help you to reach deep within… giving you the power to see you through your toughest days is what makes up the best defensive game for you and your Ms journey… will yourself every day to never give up… Ms doesn’t have to be the end of all your life’s ambitions… every person’s Ms is different so it is up to you to draw what will be the map of your life’s path.

“Ms Doesn’t Get To Wear The Warrior Costume & You Don’t Need One; Getting Up & Everyday … Pushing Hard To Be The Very Person You Can Be… Will Become The Grit & Grind That You Hold Onto Strength & Sheer Determination Will See Your Foggy Days Clear… Your Own Warrior Journey Will Be Your Best Run Race The Warrior In You Will Be Victorious When You Take Ms Head on Into Battle.”


<== Please Go To Blog Post #3 To Continue Reading This Blog Post ==>
Introduction  –  #1  –  #2  –  #3  –  #4

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com


Day #131 “Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?” – Part #1

“Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?”
Reference/s –
https://themighty.com & https://themighty.com/content/5c8a4aa63e5bbc00e49c3dcf


img_3811-1An interesting question came into my inbox this week.. this question got me thinking about my Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, about me & about how the two parts make me; me…

The question that was asked is this “Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?”

So this question by “The Mighty Community Website – which is a supportive community for people facing health challenges and the people who care for them.” got wondering and then all of a sudden I went all sci-fi on my identification of what Multiple Sclerosis may actually be…

My thoughts are kind of a funny now that I am taking the time to sit down and read what it is that I have written. I actually sat down to put some serious thought time into the question at hand…

Blame it on my pain meds or on “My Story – (Ms for short) for the way it chooses to humanise himself with his spits and spats and tit-tat moments of humor… you see… from time to time “My Story” plays out his days as a comedian… he does thinks he is funny… I like to to laugh at him deliberately because I find that he is nicer to me in the days after he has had a good night laughing with his audience… when he has a feeling that my laughter is being disingenuous (not laughing because he is funny… laughing because I know it benefits me and weeks level of suffering)… he serves me a great big bloody hug… taking the air out of my winded sails and forces me to tap out… collapsing into an unscheduled nanna nap.

At first … when I began writing this piece… I wondered in some kind of a half arsed thought; if I was actually living in some sort of codependent relationship with “My Story “ at the helm.. I started to wonder if I was actually the one that was codependent on “My Story” … relying on him soon became over run by the thoughts in my head – screaming out “You codependent on “My Story” oh what a laugh… (seriously I couldn’t be reliant on “My Story” what does he bring to the table besides the attention that he brings me by adorning my body with its ping-ponging funky walk)…

I quickly thought nah to the thought of me living in a codependent relationship with “My Story”… I ‘m not an attention seeker snd my funky walk … well after 6 nearly 7 years of it actually being in existence… it isnt that funny anymore… being flung into my wardrobe as I stumble off balance whilst trying to dress is just not funny anymore… let me not even entertain you with my many stories about my 4am meetings with my hallways door handles that love to stamp my body with bruises.

Who knows; maybe it’s “My Story) that is actually the codependent person in our relationship… after all the definition of codependent is (behavioral condition in a relationship where one person enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Among the core characteristics of codependency is an excessive reliance on other people for approval and a sense of identity)… he certainly has a need to be attention seeker, he thinks he is funny, seeks approval by forcing me to laugh at him or he causes me to hurt… and that funky walk he has me doing !! Immaturity Right There !! Yep “My Story” most definitely has a reliance on me for a sense of identity… as warped as it maybe!

Now with all seriousness & with “My Story” & his identity aside…

Maybe just maybe; Ms requires us its life-altering subjects to have life-altering symptoms for it to gain what it needs from us ie myelin and energy…. maybe it has a substance issue and the symptoms that people with Ms suffer from are the very things that Ms is physically or psychologically addicted to…

My theory is that maybe when Ms doesn’t get its fill… it falls into a relapse and drains its human host and land him/her into hours and days of suffering the symptoms of its temper tantrum… stepping up in intensity… proving that it is in charge by allowing the human hosts immune system to eat away at the bodies protective covering of its nerves… tap dancing from head to foot … stopping from time to time to hug its host… making sure that they know that it’s not yet time for Ms to return to its plateau – where it sits in quiet, entering a state of quiet where it has little activity or progress in the progression of its severity and or symptoms.

Then I had a questioning moment where I asked myself with some degree of curiosity… Is My Body A Vessel that carries Ms along in its journey? Or is my Ms a succulent (adaptive and able to absorb and manifest itself and its altering conditions to suit it’s here and now… able to grow into what it wants to be … knowing that it has little to no medical intervention or medication regimes to stand in its way.

Then another thought came by… Is Ms an organism, unfounded, unidentified by today’s scientific world… is it possible that Ms may actually be a parasite or a symbiont feeding on my fatty myelin, whilst wrapping itself around my nerve fibres either to keep warm, or maybe Ms is wrapping itself around my nerve fibres in order to fill its own energy reserves for the purpose of altering me, my abilities, my onslaught of symptoms and of course the level of ever-changing disabilities.


<== Please Go To Blog Post #2 To Continue Reading This Blog Post ==>
Introduction  –  #1 –  #2  –  #3  –  #4

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com


 

Day #130 “Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?” – Introduction

“Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?”
Reference/s –
https://themighty.com &
https://themighty.com/content/5c8a4aa63e5bbc00e49c3dcf


This is a preliminary post about what I will be blogging about for the next few days. This post that I wrote is quite long so I thought that I would sit down and post it to my blog over a few days.

So what are the next few days of blogging to be about? Well in my e-mail’s inbox a few days ago a question caught my attention… so I thought that I would sit down to write out an answer to the question being asked… (apologies in advance)… It’s seems that my thinking thoughts ran away with my finger tips and together they got a little busy…  unfortunately for you I seem to be a marathon writer – I like to write lengthy posts… but even I think that this one may be a little to long… (but I just couldn’t cut it down to a reasonable & a read worthy size).

So I have placed my thoughts into a few blog posts so I don’t bore you to death.

(I even created the graphic to the left of this blog post to give you a clue of what I will be writing about).


So here is the question that I found in my e-mail’s inbox.
“Is My Condition Part Of What Makes Me… Me ?”

Referenced Websites
https://themighty.com &
https://themighty.com/content/5c8a4aa63e5bbc00e49c3dcf


<== Please Go To Blog Post #1 To Continue Reading This Blog Post ==>
Introduction  –  #1  –  #2  –  #3  –  #4

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com


 

Day #129 “Prettiest Wreck You’ve Ever Seen!”

Here it is 1.17am March 12th 2019… in the aftermath of a Sydney induced dizzy day.

I was reading the mornings newspaper (Facebook) hoping to kill a few moments before I try to put my blogging thoughts and the fact that I am a little behind in daily writes/blogging post to bed for just a few hours, before I rise and shine and try against the hash deliverances of my week and my “My Kick Ass Ms Week” dressed & ready to push through the heated days that are still engulfing Sydney in this being the beginning of Autumn 2019.

So in reading the early morning edition of the life’s self imposing newspaper (Facebook), I came across the following pictured message.

Yeah I’m Hurting…
But on goes  the mascara & lip-gloss.
That’s right,
I’ll be the prettiest wreck you’ve ever seen!

prettieswreck.jpgI often get asked why it is that I bother to get dressed most days.. not only get dressed in clothes, but why do I bother to attempt to tame my freshly washed hair and make myself up in what has been described as “my life’s colouring book pallet” by one of my closest friends.

Well why the hell not I say?

I like being dressed I often say… and I like that my use of makeup helps me to feel less sick or fatigued… and I certainly like that don’t have to look like I am dying even though my Ms can at times leave me feeling as though I am about to crumble to my knees. There is also that small part of me that feels confident in who I am and in what I am offering to others throughout my day when I am dressed in clothes & face etched in colours and tones… what ever my reason… my makeup and my everyday get up and get dressed attitude is who I am and want to be !

Why do I bother? I often get asked… well in my own true to myself spirit I ask in the same curious tone “Why The Hell Not.. & Why Don’t You Bother To Colour You In With Human Made Colours & Hue’s… without sounding like I have a bee in my bonnet about the need for people to ask me why I bother to wear makeup… I want people to know that I wear makeup and choose to put myself together because I truly do not like seeing my Ms down trodden self in the reflection of a mirror…

“Fake It Till You Make It… I Say – or Makeup Yourself The Colours Of Happiness That You Wanna See… Instead Of The Colour Blue That Ms Has You Laying On The Lounge Feeling Sorry For Yourself…”

That is why I put the effort into me and the colour pallet of happier hue’s that make me feel more like me minus my Ms struggles.

I am grateful to those who say that I don’t need to dress up on their account, or that I don’t need the makeup that I take the time to apply.. all so that I can make myself feel alive and living in a brighter sate of mind… I love those who say that they appreciate and love me more in my natural state… but I like my colour pallets and I love being the human colouring book that gives a shit about looking like the person that I see with myself.

“I don’t really care what other people see me as. I seriously don’t. I’ve always worried about what my opinion of myself is… Ms is aprart of me, but it doesnt define who I am… who I was a well dressed person who went to work everyday freshly showered, presentable and happy within myself and my many jobs that I have taken on throughout my days… My makeup doesn’t define me & it certainly doesn’t make me who I appear to be… it just helps colour my world when I am feeling blue.”

My advice to you my readers would be…
“Paint your life however you want it doesn’t have to be the way others paint it.
Your own attitude will always be your best paintbrush, giving you different shades when you need them the most.”
Quoted Reference Link Here


Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com

Day #124 – “Memoir Writing”

Guess What Dearest Readers, Writers, Subscribers & Anyone Else Reading My
“365 Day Somethings” Blog…?

I just popped into give you an update on what I have been up to today.

I hope that I don’t disappoint any of you, but today’s blog post will be a short 1.
memoir.jpgWhat do I mean when I say a short 1..? well a short 1 – no 1000 -3000 long-winded writes.

Why…?

As if I needed to add anything else to by self-imposed daily busy schedule I have signed up for a course titled “Kick Start Your Memoir – Writing Exercises” with Udemy “A Global Marketplace For Learning & Instruction.
Course Link & Details Here

I am working hard at chronicling my life’s story in my daily writtings so I figured that taking a course that would not only spur on my thoughts but I was hoping to find an ‘ah ha moment’ in how to put the story of my life together in some sort of chronicled write.

My course instructors name is Dale…
Dale is a writer, coach and author. Her aim is to teach you how to Kickstart Your Memoir by going through a set of wonderful writing exercises. (exercises, assessment tasks, assessments.. oooh how I look forward to these).

I am looking forward to starting and undertaking the 10 chapetrs of this Kickstart Memoir Writting Course, I look forward to taking under my wing and nurturing the memories that will flow from theworkbook that is supplies, the many exercises and of course the flood of writting that I expect to scrawl into my notebook. I know that this writing will also help till fill out my daily journaland other daily writing adventures.

Why a Memoir Writting Course.. Why A Memoir ??
The answer to these questions are simple for me to answer… I want to leave my Children & My Future Decendants a story & a timeline of how we as a Family began our days.. & how as individuals they grew to be the people that they are… whilst learning from me all about me and my life’s story.

Here is where I will begin my Memoir Writing – Yet Untitled & Ready To Be Written.

Who are you?
What is your story?
Why are you writing your memoir?
What is the most important thing you want to discover?
What are the life experiences that make you who you are?
If you were to view your life from an outsider’s point of view, what would you know about your life?

So Udemy & The The Early Days Of Writting Of My Memoir Here I Come…
abg_1.jpg


Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com

 

Day # 123 – “Words I Stand By”

This week in my many hours of reading, taking notes and drafting my daily & future blog posts I came across a meme that smacked hard into the very core of who and what I am.

This meme was only a few words long but for me it said everything that I stand for in just a few short words.
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The simpleness of theses written words “Who Am I To Judge Another… When I Walk Imperfectly” for me does not talk about judging other for the good and the bad that a person delivers, these words do not even convey the disapproval that I may have towards the choices and or the path that another person may take in and throughout the journey of their life…

“Who Am I To Judge Another… When I Walk Imperfectly” for me is worded sentence that shows my support of people who are going through times of struggle in their life… I choose to sit and listen in an open-minded capacity rather than with a mouthy and question riddled mind.

I have walked through the hospital corridors for many years seeking medical interventions and treatments for my Spina Bifida Child, who today is a happy-go-lucky young man who works long hours and snobs at anyone who feels that they have the right to label him and his inabilities. His Spina Bifida has been his journey but it will not impede on his life’s story… strong-willed or stubborn mmm get to know him and then make up your own mind about which one he is.

Through my own struggles I get asked how it is that I can be so positive and happy to help others out through the trials and tribulations that they find themselves in… the answer is simple… ! My struggles are everyday but if one person can have someone put some faith and hope into their struggles, than I with good consciousness am and will be the person to see a person through to the light at the end of their tunnel.

Why help another out when I myself find myself without someone standing for me and my needs, for my struggles and for the fight against my body and its primary progressive diagnosis? well this is the point of the words “Who Am I To Judge Another… When I Walk Imperfectly” just because I have primary progressive multiple sclerosis doesn’t change the person that I am… I have had many judgements placed on me and the ailments that my body now presents with… my position and personal standing in my life is to stand as an advocate for other people, the very people who do not have a voice that carry’s the determination to stand ones own ground… not because they don’t know how or unable to stand in their own knowingness or convictions… I advocate for others because I believe that it takes a village to fight of an enemy… numbers speak volumes & I know that it often takes multiple voices to spike the attention and the understanding of someone in the position to help out a person with a need or a cause.

Medically I have seen how doctors have passed judgements onto my Spina Bifida Son and his body’s inabilities… I stood tall and starred them down and told them I will never back down.. for he is my Son, my young man who deserve far more than a blanketed judgement that doesn’t fit him or his medical issues at all.

Personally I chose to lend people an open heart and a listening ear… I try not to counsel people, I just try to be there and show that someone does care.

“Who Am I To Judge Another… When I Walk Imperfectly”
I am not this person I say…
I walk with a funky walk and a presence that is hard to ignore.
My struggles are varied and difficult at times
But I with all good consciousness
Cannot see past a person who is carrying a heavy load
Afraid & feeling the emptiness of the burdened soul.

So ! “Who Am I To Judge Another… When I Walk Imperfectly”
Not I
Not Me
Not Today
& Certainly Not Tomorrow.
For I literally walk imperfectly with a funky gaited walk…
I don’t like being told that I am drunk
But I don’t mind when people ask me why it is that I walk the ay that I do…
I don’t the generalisations and or judgements that medical persons pass at me…
But I know that I can not sway the opinion
Of someone who thinks that they know more about me and my body
& the things that make me; me…

I know who it is that I am
& who I am is this…
I am a person who stands up for what she believes in
Judging no other, because in my life I too walk imperfectly.
Maybe not in my uncertainly,
But certainly symbolically in my funky gaited walk.

I believe that judgement of others cheapens who it is that we are….
Passing judgement is a statement that states our intolerance
Judgments and intolerance of others sends out unspoken messages
That warns people that the safety that we seek in  times of need,
Will not be found in this person.


I Choose To Not Judge People
Because There Is Always A Part Of Their Story That Lays Untold
& This Part Of Them I May Never Be privileged To Hear About.
I May Never Fully Unfold Their Life’s Map & Or Journey
The Only Thing That I Have To Offer
People Who Often Are Their Own Worst Judgment Callers
Is An Open & Supportive Ear.

Do not judge others
By the judgements of their past
Instead I embrace them
& their help them regain contentment
For them & their scorned & hurting heart.

Written By Tanya Kelly


A Lesson To Be Learned In The Art Of Judging Others Is

Before You Assume…. Learn The Facts.
Before You Judge…. Understand Why.
Before You Hurt Someone…. Feel.
Before You Speak….Think.

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com

Day #122 -Task “Personal Affirmations”

What a busy week of writing have I taken on this week…journaling, blogging, 750words daily writes, daily blogging and anything else I can fit into my days schedule.

So thanks to two of my writing buddies; We have taken on a small daily writing challenge permissiontoshine.jpg
that has us writing 10 daily affirmations or self talking to’s that we will write and own as we stand in our own mirrored reflection.. standing in our mirrored reflection give us the opportunity to hear and own our own words… reflecting our own conscious thoughts back at ourselves, giving ourselves a moment to what we want and need for ourselves.

Our Affirmation / Self-Empowerment writes will be undertaken over a 7 day period, I will post up my affirmation writes at the end of the week.

In this my second day of writing my daily 10 affirmations I do see that I do in fact have a need for this “reboot time” I need to be honest with myself and aspire to look deep within for the things that my body, heart, mind & soul needs. I am looking forward to the next few days of exploring myself and inner most needs, writing about myself and making agreements with myself to make the changes that I feel I do need to make.

I also look forward to hear what affirmations and self-empowerments that my writing buddies will be making for themselves and their lives.

Positive affirmations are important and when they are undertaken in a consistent and proper way, they can prevent you from thinking negatively and self-empowerment can also help to prevent you from sabotaging yourself and your life’s wants. Affirmation and or self-empowerment can help to reprogram your mind and help you to eliminate or stop your own self’s limiting beliefs & barriers.

Self-Empowerment helps us to see and acknowledge ourselves and our wants, by writing affirmations we reprogram ourselves and begin to live in our own here and now.

We are in this exercise empowering ourselves… The general meaning of Self-empowerment is taking control of our own life, setting goals, and making positive choices. Basically it means that we have to understand our strengths and weaknesses, and have belief in ourselves.
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It is very power for us as human to have a handle on our self-worth and our self beliefs… Action Words are written through out the writings of our own personal affirmations and or self-empowerment. Words and sayings like “I Am Strong, I Can Do This, I believe In Myself leads us to “I Am Doing This”…. us living in our truth, our true selves, our actualised selves… & in our here and now.


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The Song Lyrics F Bachelor Girl through the song “Permission To Shine” sums up what writing affirmations and working to self-empowerment can mean and do for a person in their reprogramming days.

Hey, what would you say
If I can’t play the hero tonight
‘Cause lately I’ve been feelin’ like
I can’t get anything right
I’ve been fading into the woodwork again
And I’m feelin’ like I just want to hide
But guess what
I’m gonna try something just a little bit different this time
I’m gonna give myself permission to shine
I’m gonna shine so bright
Gonna make every head want to turn
You’re finally gonna see me
Give myself permission to shine
Gonna light up the night
Shine a little of my light on the world
I’ve been crazy
I’ve been holdin’ myself back for so long
But I’ve got so much I can give
Don’t want to be afraid to be wrong
You know I’m not too good at too many things
But I’ve been gettin’ real good at gettin’ down on myself
But guess what
I’m gonna try to break free from this prison I”ve built
I’m gonna give myself permission to shine
I’m gonna shine so bright
Gonna make every head want to turn
You’re finally gonna see me
Give myself permission to shine
Gonna light up the night
Shine a little of my light on the world
Oh, that’s right
I’m gonna try something just a little bit different this time
I’m gonna give myself permission to shine
I’m gonna shine so bright
Gonna make every head want to turn
You’re finally gonna see me
Give myself permission to shine
Gonna light up the night
Shine a little of my light on the world
I want to light up the night
Shine a little of my light on the worldReference – View Here – “Permission To Shine” Video Clip
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What Bachelor Girls Song relays to and for me is this…Tonight I am taking a break from being the everything to everyone;
It is time that I be that reliable someone to and for myself.

Lately;
I have been feeling the push and the pull
From a world that has me running around being the mother hen
to anyone who needs me in their moment of need.

Taking it’s toll, I have emptied myself;
Leaving myself spare and with no energy to spare.

Time is now that I have to give myself permission for a period of reboot,
A moment where I can and will fill my own cup with
What I am missing in my own life’s hectic path.

In order for me to continue in giving my helping hand
I need time to empower myself
Light up myself in my own world
To see myself in my own lit shadow.

I owe myself this permission
For I can be nothing to you if my own light doesn’t shine bright.
I will light up my way and my own life’s path
& someday soon return replenished stronger than ever.


Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com

Day #118 – Elvis Presley – “In The Ghetto” (Part 2 – Renamed “Mt Druitt”)

I am retagging today writing “Mt Druitt”, The Area, It’s Residence” The Real Story” Not Struggle Street & Not the Ghetto.

Read Part #1 of “Elvis Presley – “In The Ghetto” Here

To recap.. Elvis Presley’s Song “In the Ghetto was a song that was originally titled “The Vicious Circle” when it was written by Mac Davis in 1969.


The song “In the Ghetto” that was made famous by Elvis Presley has a special place in my heart.

As a young adult coming through my year I wondered for many year what I would be like as a parent, would I be a person that my children liked, would I be a parent who rules with an iron fist or would I play fare but have a strong hold on the guiding rope that I held within my grip? so many questioned loomed in my mind when I found myself growing a little person inside me… I like most parents had many questions and many more trepidations – there was so much about my future back then that brought the very meaning of trepidation to the very forefront of days every moment. The meaning of trepidation is a person who has a nervous or fearful feeling of uncertain agitation.. well back in 1997 with my arms full of my babysitting and childcare experience thought that I had Motherhood in the bag….

Well “Wakey-wakey!” Mumma bear…! this mumma stuff I would soon learn wasn’t all shits and giggles – it was long hours and many unconfessed moments of oh my this is truly learning on the job.


What some don’t know about me is this (and for those who do know me personally, you will know that my childhood postcode is not the who and or what of the very things that defined me as a person).. I know oh to well where I came from.. I know that my childhood home town is now known and immortalised on tv as “Struggle Street” (ps. I don’t think that struggle street could ever go down in history as a place that has gained everlasting fame dur to the t show “Struggle Street” – if anything I don’t think that “Struggle Street” has helped the image or preconceptions that others have of “Struggle Street – Community members in Mount Druitt, in Western Sydney, say they only agreed to take part in the SBS documentary because they believed it would be about the issues facing the area. Community. “).

Struggle Street – My Childhood Home – the half told story can be view here – Reference – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kopA7V1LmVI&list=PLUeQbxrqtbjH7e6_aN8rIgPT7IheeO4Jm


I that the story of “Struggle Street, My Childhood Home & The Town Of Mt Druitt is a Story Half Told because, what sbs’s betrayal of “Struggle Street & Mt Druitt” didn’t show was the hard working & tax paying citizens that have worked for many many years, some for all their lives – bringing up their families to be responsible and community minded citizens.

Call me biased, but I do have an insight to what it was like growing up in “The Druitt” as struggle street is better known as. I have seen the poverty and I have seen the drug related social and economic battles that these concerns have had on the community and its members… but I have also seen the people who have put blood sweat and tears into the property’s that they rent from the government “those run down housing estate and housing commissioned houses are not the profile or the existence of every person living in the “Druitt” area…. many of my childhood family’s and neighbours both still living in the area and long since moved have owned their own home and for those who rent the government based housing commissioned house they are not all run down squat holes like they have been shown to be by the SBS’s tv show titled “Struggle Street.”

There are indeed many family’s living on the poverty line in Mt Druitt and there are many of the towns citizens living off welfare checks and living hand to mouth… both with and without alcohol & drug dependencies.

I know that there is a lot of truth in the series production of “struggle street” but why oh why did the SBS have to only show one side of the already well publicised “Druitt” – “The Hole” – “The Wrong Side Of Town” – “The Houso Estate” – “The Drug Capital Of Sydney” – “The Drop Off Place For Low Income & Under Privileged Families With No Hopes For A Future, the doomed town with no likely hood of growth past being labelled the nicknames and the reputations that it is know because of. There are indeed many names that “struggle Street & The Town Of Mt Druitt are known by…. but what the people viewers of struggle street were denied in their viewing of struggle street was the hard working and life long members of the Mt Druitt community that come together to support each, to lend a hand when they are needed… the true Aussie spirit of Australia and the mateship that Australia is known for certainly lives in the people of “Struggle Street & Mt Druitt.”

Mt Druitt has many people striving to pull themselves off the poverty line and into jobs and education based training programs…. some of the citizens of the Druitt are Nurses, Counsellors, Forklift / Warehouse Operators, others are Doctors, Lawyers, Care Takers, Machine Operators, Childcare Teachers… I even know one of “Struggle Streets Ex-Community Members who busts her ass off each day and has done everyday to process the milk and other products that the snotty finger pointers need for their very existence…there is also a well know ww1 veteran who has received little recognition for his service over the years and has lived in homeless state in the Druitt are for many many years.

There is just as many people busting their asses off in the streets of “Struggle Street” as there are in any other part of the world. “Struggle Street” – “The Druitt” all of those names are labels given to a community of people or to the town itself by people who think that they know the streets of Mt Druitt… the tv told them and showed them all about “Struggle Street and it’s people… so that’s it “Struggle Street” the defamed and misrepresented town with a name that has many people cringing when they are told there is housing available for them in this area.

I myself left “Struggle Street” when it was still known as Mt Druitt & not as the defamed name “Struggle Street.”

The prejudice that I have received when I tell people of where I grew up is all giggles to them until I tell them that I am not ashamed of the hard work and the manicured gardens that my parents have put into their home… that I am not ashamed of the hours that they worked to put the food in our tummy’s and the shoes & clothing on our backs…. & I am certainly not ashamed to admit that I have seen both the good and bad parts of Mt Druitt and the people that live within its corridor’s. My bring up in the Druitt are doesn’t define who I am, but it certainly has made me value how it was that I was raised and it has a huge barring on how I treat people in my now adult years.

I moved out of “The Druitt” in 1994/1995 but I still have Family & Friends in the area… My Family home is still my Family’s home and we often meet as a group to shoot the breeze and enjoy gathering that go on for hours… My families homes are not squalors & the children with these homes are happy & busy being education both within the community and in schools surrounding the area.

I personally went to a selected High School and have attended private tuition and gamed secondary studies as a counsellor, my Mother is a Registered Nurse & My Father A fitter & Turner by Trade… I have an Uncle who owns his own Lawn Mowing business – he has been able to afford himself many homes both in the Druitt are and in surrounding areas over the years… I have another Uncle who has just socked up 40 years of service in the State Emergency Service, He himself worked for the City Of Blacktown and served his local community until his retirement, he to own his own home. I have friends who have put themselves through school and become teachers and social workers & have other friends who have pulled themselves off the poverty line and taken themselves back to school to prove that in diversity there is a way out of living day to day – hand to mouth.

“Struggle Street” community members are not represented very well in the SBS series “Struggle Street… the people are not spoken for, “Struggle Street” blanketed the whole town of Mt Druitt with a tared brush and made many of its residence either targets of its bad publicity or tagged citizens who are know for being good for nothing citizens that no one cares for. “Struggle Street” isn’t me or the people that I know and love and “Struggle Street” isn’t the people that are finding themselves through the truth of what has been shown to the world… “Struggle Street is a name, a hash tag… a description that isn’t at all accurate to the struggles that many people have had to face to be recognised for the hard work that they have endured.

“Struggle Street” is everywhere… It isn’t just Mt Druitt….!! & many people throughout the world are just one pay check away from getting first hand knowledge and experience of what a the tag of a socioeconomic, unemployed, government sucking homeless person would go through to survive each and every day.


Elvis Presley’s Song – “In The Ghetto”

As the snow flies On a cold and gray Chicago mornin’ A poor little baby child is born In the ghetto (in the ghetto)

And his mama cries ‘Cause if there’s one thing that she don’t need It’s another hungry mouth to feed In the ghetto (in the ghetto)

People, don’t you understand The child needs a helping hand Or he’ll grow to be an angry young man some day? Take a look at you and me Are we too blind to see Do we simply turn our heads, and look the other way?

Well, the world turns And a hungry little boy with a runny nose Plays in the street as the cold wind blows In the ghetto (in the ghetto)

And his hunger burns So he starts to roam the streets at night And he learns how to steal, and he learns how to fight In the ghetto (in the ghetto)

Then one night in desperation A young man breaks away He buys a gun, steals a car Tries to run, but he don’t get far And his mama cries

As a crowd gathers ’round an angry young man Face down on the street with a gun in his hand In the ghetto (in the ghetto)

And as her young man dies On a cold and gray Chicago mornin’ Another little baby child is born In the ghetto (in the ghetto)

And his mama cries (in the ghetto) (In the ghetto) (Aah-aah)


Oh the words of “In The Ghetto” sing to me….

All my life I have been aware of where I come from and I have heard the stories that have been whispered both through the media and from the mouths of those who feel that they have the hole story of a town that has been blanketed by the many for the socioeconomic, unemployment, government sucking homeless people and stories that have forever been told.

I remember the day that I moved out of Mt Druitt and was Tried and Convicted by the finger pointers that I chose to land in… who knew that I would be seen as a person from the wrong side of the tracks by my new community and as a person who sold out and game up by a handful of people in my old neighbourhood. Being told that you are a person of no worth or as a snot who is trying to be better that they actually are by both their old and new communities makes the struggle to become a person who has strived to work hard for all they have and are given well worth the energy & perseverance in being better than the tag lines that have fallen into my descriptive personal references.


I never cried so hard until the day that I found out that I was bringing my first child into this world… was my label of being brought up in Mt Druitt truly the thing that was going to define me and my abilities as a Mother?

My children are hard working and educate people who have had to work hard to earn everything that they have, if being brought up on “struggle Street” has taught me one thing it would be the value in hard work and pushing oneself to work hard and play hard for who they are and what it is that they want.

My children may never know what it is like to grow up on the streets and in the community arms of “Struggle Street” but I carry with me the lessons that I was taught in being respectful for what I have, being appreciative of what I am give… and work ever so bloody hard to get what I want and where it is that I want to go.

I live each day praying and hoping that my children will return to my fold after they leave the safety of their home for an education and a pay check that will take them from what I hope is my home – the home that I built with and for my fairly – in hopes of having a better tomorrow… As a parent the best that I can hope for us a better future for my children, hoping that they learn and gain enough knowledge to better themselves…. with enough self motivation to take themselves to a better tomorrow…

Maybe our now home will be someday known as tomorrows ghetto…. no matter what the future of any living arrangement or community housing area… I assure you “A Mumma Will Cry For Her Family, For Her Children, For A Better Tomorrow no matter where they find roots in their life’s geo-location.

I don’t live on the streets of “Struggle Street” and I am not that label that its members have been tagged with… “I have Climbed The Hill Of Mt Druiit & Struggle Street” and I am here to tell its story… “Struggle Street” isn’t who I once was and it certainly isn’t who it is that I am… but the ingredients that made me who I am wee forged in the community of struggle street & for that I say struggle street is and will forever be the place that I know as home.


The only thing bad about living in the “The Vicious Circle – The Ghetto” is the negative vibes and ignorance’s that other people so easily spew out.

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& Ummm let me state the obvious…
there is crime, poverty, low income family’s, drug & alcohol as well as substance abuse everywhere… Mt Druitt is just the name of a suburb located in Western Sydney…
No Town, place, country or suburbs is free from the ugliness of addiction.

I survived growing up in Mt Druitt…
I have an education, a Higher School Certificate (I went to a selected High School)… A Diploma In Counselling as well as various other awarded studied areas… I am a web designer, a writer and a blogger, a mom of 3 and I have been married for nearly 19 years… Mt Druitt & it’s residents are not all walking & talking drug and alcohol addicted people… There is a whole new side to “Mt Druitt & Struggle Street.”

Mt Druitt was a different place when I was growing up there… things have changed and so have the people…. but I do believe that a home is what you make of it and for myself and others I know… Mt Druitt was home and I am no way embarrassed to say that is where I grew up… My childhood home & some of my family still live in the area like I sad in my writing above… Many Mt Druitt peeps are proud people who work hard & play harder… they raise their families against the diversity that the name “Mt Druitt” has given them… someday I hope “Struggle Street” has the other side of its story told.


” In The Ghetto ” resinates with me
because Mt Druitt is know as the Ghetto Of Western Sydney, but it should be known for the hard working & educated people that have proved that home is where you are raised and it is the journey of our lives that makes us who we are… where we come from is only part of our story…. My advice is “Don’t believe everything that you hear about Mt Druitt… whilst some of it’s true… there is some gemstones in the roughage of Mt Druitt.

Elvis Presley’s Song “In The Ghetto” is every towns, every suburbs, every Mumma teary story… “Then one night in desperation A young man breaks away He buys a gun, steals a car Tries to run, but he don’t get far And his mama cries”… crime happens every where and there are many Mumma’s around the world loosing sleep and worrying about what it is that their children are getting themselves into. Children need a hand no matter who theyt are and no matter what walk of life they live and walk in.

Signed
Author. Tanya Kelly
365daysomethings.wordpress.com